It's the end of the world as we know it, & I feel-

[flowmom]

However my counselor said that

a)This can be misleadng to the kids as they see us together and think that we are ok or that we will be ok/getting back together

b)This is 'rescuing' behavior because we take on the consequences of H leaving the home. If he chose to leave, he chose to leave, so he doesn't get the luxury of hanging out there anymore. Where they go and what they do is his problem.

c)This is taking on his consequences to shield the children, too. Yes, they will be sad/upset when daddy isn't around anymore, or daddy has to take them somewhere else instead of 'their' home. But that is not something we cause so we don't have to make up for it. Unfortunately, disappointed kids are a consequence of a man or woman walking away...when we try to make it better we are just enabling the walk-away to feel less of the impact of their decisions

Thanks for explaining the rationale. I'm not sure if I'm convinced. Some parents continue to do things together after D, specifically to make things better for the kids. I believe that what's best for a LBS's dignity might be different than what's best for the kids. And frankly, having to see me all the time (even super-polite, pleasant me ) is a consequence for H...it forces him to directly deal with the discomfort that he has with his decision on a daily basis. It makes it a lot harder for him to get into the mental headspace of "starting fresh" that I'm assuming he desperately wants. But of course I am new at this and very confused and my thoughts on this are likely to shift a lot.