@trying, no idea why she's wearing her ring. She has said she would wear her ring until we "have a piece of paper" saying we are D'd. Maybe it makes her feel like she has a sense of honor, as nuts as that sounds.
You are giving her way too much credit for being rationale. She wears her ring, she doesn't she tells you the sky is yellow at night and purple with pink polka dots during the day. Trying to make sense of it is a waste of time!
I completely agree with you. I was simply responding to a question. I have no idea what's going on in her head (and I doubt she does either), and I am not wasting energy trying to figure it out.
GIMA, allow yourself grief, even if it makes no sense to you. Feelings are complicated. You have an entire life behind you now to grieve, and also for the unknown future for you and your kids. I'm so sorry you are going through this. One day at a time. Feelings are irrational and may sneak up to nab us. But if you allow space for them, they will shift quicker.
W took kids over to hotel where in-laws are staying this weekend so kids could swim and have dinner. I decided to go over to a couple of friends (M'd) house for dinner and a movie.
Friends kept my mind occupied but I constantly thought of kids and what they were doing. Was the first "family" type evening I haven't been a part of. Damn. This is tough. Dammit.
I'm tired of feeling this way with this pain and knot in my stomach.
Hi, I have read through your posts. I actually don't really know what to say other than, I send you positive thoughts.
Even now, a year into my journey, I am still amazed at how similar our stories here are.
I have read and been told that it is the one left behind, the one who wants to try, the one whom holds onto faith and hope are the ones who in time gain...... a wholeness that the one who gave up will never achieve.
Now I don't relish in this thought for myself and others in a negative toward those that have decided to walk away....... I hold onto this notion as hope that you and me and everyone else one here rises to their greatest potential.
I am also feeling the sadness, emptyness and the loss of tradition and dream that I think you are feeling now.
My heart goes out to you, we are all here to support each other. I find that very unique and special.
Just woke up - thought I would sleep late, but can't. Need to plan dinner for S - today is his 10th birthday. I can't believe he is 10! I want to make it special for him.
I know I will make it through this. It will be hard, painful and not fun, but I will be ok.
@working, I agree that I am ahead of my W as far as getting back in touch with myself and understanding my emotions. I don't wish any ill will upon my W, but I do believ there is a day out there where she will realize I am not the source of her unhappiness and will realize what she has done to herself, me, and most importantly, the kids.
I doubt I will ever hear about it (remember, my W has only apologized to me a handful of times in 15 years of being together), but I suspect she will have a tough time with that day. I plan on moving forward with my life, and plan to be in a much better place by the time she understands what she has done.
My goals now are to minimize the damage to the children, be the best father I can be, and continue to move myself to a place where I am happy and content with myself. In time, whenever God is ready for me to meet the woman I am supposed to be with the rest of my life, I know she will come into my life, and I will know what true happiness with a woman really feels like. I thought I did, and I thought I had that, but looking back from where I am now, I realize I didn't. I think I did initially, but then, that just went away.
Thanks to everyone here. Your support and kind words (and firm, needed ones too!) mean so much during the tough times.
GIMA, allow yourself grief, even if it makes no sense to you. Feelings are complicated. You have an entire life behind you now to grieve, and also for the unknown future for you and your kids. I'm so sorry you are going through this. One day at a time. Feelings are irrational and may sneak up to nab us. But if you allow space for them, they will shift quicker.
Sound wisdom for all of us. Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
