OK.. (((((((tta))))))) - YOU DID AWESOME AT LUNCH! I'm SO PROUD of you!!!
Now slow down. You get to go home and cry.. honestly thats what you should do. That was a really really hard thing to do today and you made it. You get a night to be as sad as you want. I hope you don't beat yourself up for that. Doing well at this dosen't mean you don't feel anything. You just feel it for yourself.
STOP TALKING TO YOUR MOM... she loves you and wants to defend you and I'm sure she hates H for breaking your hear. As wonderful as it is to have her defending you - its not going to help your PMA. Do you have a close person to talk to that supports you saving your marriage? Anyone? Thats the person you need to talk to about this. Save conversations with mom for other topics.
When you are done fighting - you give up. Not a moment before. If you run this out until YOU are done, you won't have any regrets. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Noone knows how they will handle a situation like this until they have to go through it. Opionions are like assholes... well you know...
You've heard.. Its my party and I'll cry if I want to... That applies to You NOW. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for how you feel - how you feel is OK and if you let yourself FEEL through this the pain is easier - honest.
You are doing the right things be proud of yourself.
OK... Next steps. When H apologizes for things. Just accept - no more trying to make him feel better, trying to tell him he's not the bad guy, etc. Just validate, don't excuse. After this weekend... go dark. Pack his stuff, help him move, be supportive and loving, then.... disappear. If he contacts you be friendly but aloof. Give him the space he wants and GAL like crazy. He'll notice. You are doing a GREAT job of "putting on a happy face" keep it up.
About him being alone in the empty apartment.... My therapist explained to me the idea that some people feel so badly about themselves they need to manipulate their surroundings to validate how they feel. They ruin relationships, live in horrible situations, etc. - Blame other people. All the while its so they can say - see I AM a bad person, no one likes me. See I don't deserve nice things, look at where I live. Don't assume the choice is between you or __(insert horrible alternative)_____ ... truth is .. it may have nothing to do with you.
Very proud of you....
Talia
PS - YEAH for no legal paperwork! Just let that one lay quietly as long as you can!!
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
be proud of yourself.
