I tried to talk to H last night and this morning with no success. He feels slighted because my sis did not say hello to him on Fri, when they arrived and my bro 'shaked his hand because he had to' so he has disappeared. He is never home. And when he is, he hides in our bedroom and does not come out.
He is accusing me of taking sides, but cannot tell me what does he want me to do. Throw them out? I cannot defend him in front of them or even be nice to him in front of them because he is never there. He was with us more often when he did not live here.
I told him he was hurting us, not them. And I said I hoped his goal was worth all the pain he is causing us. I fear he has no goal. He is reacting as his mother used to when she felt slighted (real or imaginary): she would sulk and withdraw to 'punish' the offender. Of course, that reaction only backfired on her: eventually everyone learned that there was no way to please her and gave up trying.
I do not know what to do. He is even dragging out old grievances and accusing me of putting my family first. But cannot tell me how have I slighted him or what does he want me to do to fix it.
I think he made his own self-fulfilling prophecy: he was sure my siblings would be mad at him for what he did to me, so he behaved as if. And when my sibs were cold to him, he asumed it was over and it was not worth trying. And he got resentful. And blamed me somehow, and now he is punishing us both (and our poor little girl, who is sick and wants her Daddy who is never here).
Please remind me of why is it worth all the pain...
I am sorry, Pam, I cannot find my optimism this morning.
Does anyone have any ideas? I just cannot think...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
