Hi nsw, while I haven't read your entire old thread, it seems clear that your SO moved out so she can intensify things with OM.
How often do you see SO? Are you being distant? Stop persuing or trying to get her back right now...it sucks but temporarily do your own thing.
What goals are you setting for yourself?
Newmama,
I see her almost every day due to our visitation exchanges of our daughter. In the last week we've hung out a little to chitchat, and had family meals/events, though I got overly excited about them and essentially gave her cold feet. Being an extremely openly emotional person, I am horrible about hiding my feelings around her...happy or sad.
There were moments where it felt like old times when we were dating...and it seems when I felt that, she might have too, and ended up pulling back. That and the good feelings made me feel the need to pursue instead of playing it cool.
As far as being distant...I'm not trying hard enough. Last night and today were the first two days where I havent (so far) made unnecessary contact. There was a wake up call this morning but that was discussed beforehand as we were going to the gym this morning. Othersie I havent contacted her.
And I think you're right that she either left me to intensify the relationship or after the fact saw her leaving me as a golden opportunity to turn her friendship with this man (he's 41, she's 26) into more. I'm sure hwen she left, he was right there for her to cushon her emotionally.
I set a boundary with regards to her moving forward with the OM, though from others' input on here it was weak and may have doen no good.
I'm so confused still that I'm not sure what goals would be appropriate and which ones would be too lofty. I want her to come back by May...too lofty perhaps. I want a hug from her every now and then...again perhaps too lofty given how soon it still is and that she's not a touchy-feely person.
I guess one goal would be for her and I to spend one on one quality time having fun. We kind of did that at the gym today as our daughter was in the childcare center there. I know that if we could do more of that we would be on the right track. But it's hard to do that when me requesting it is pursuit, and she's comfortable to sit in a holding pattern.
I know that if she did less of that with the OM we would also be on the right track. But as I said, if they're just friends, I cant tell her who her friends should be...and to do so would not only push her away from me but push her closer to him.
