See, ALL that time wasted on how she was becoming more grounded due to a change in jobs and in the end, she went back for the money. That is why you need to detach and not cling on to things that may or may NOT be positive.
And I was just teasing you about putting you in my pocket.
I can't help but think your reaction is a selfish one. She got more money and it's not as risky as she thought. Good for her. But k4, you related her decision solely on how it makes YOU feel and worry about how it makes you look...it wasn't about you.
It's a job she took, not OM...just wondering why you wanted her to make less money...oh, I know b/c then she'd "need" you more...See I don't find that loving.
Get yourself a better job so you can feel better about yourself, instead of hoping she gets a lower paying job so you two are on a "level" playing field. Would you rather lift yourself up, or have her lower herself down to be "equal"? Truth be told, I fear it's the latter b/c you don't know how to lift yourself up. I wish for you to learn how to do that k4, I really do.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I could be wrong but I understood the issue to be a perm. job that was stable w/benefits vs. a higher paying (short term) contract job and Kevin's W not having to look for work again in 6 months in an unstable economy. I also thought it was an insurance issue as the out of pocket costs were very high vs. having a job w/built in benefits.
There has been LOTS of movement on this thread but I *think* that was the crux of the issue.
"Great, back into fantasy land for her money wise. I thought she would at least start being grounded at a modest salary."
I still don't get what the hang up is about your W's money issue. She has a sense of self worth, so she's expecting to get paid what she's worth. Nothing wrong with that.
You really need to be taking notes and do the same things she's doing.
You can do it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
W just called. Wanted me to come over and do a taste test for D8's science project. I told her I was heading to Mass and then going to help out there afterwords for some work that needed to be done. She then asked if I could swing by on the way home. I said sure if I get off in time.
Then she tells me she turned down the permanent job offer and took the contact position that pays $44 an hour even though it is a 6 month contract. But she was told it could probably go longer. She decided she was worth more than 60k even if it was a permanent position.
Great, back into fantasy land for her money wise. I thought she would at least start being grounded at a modest salary. I guess the pressure of that was to much. She said it wasn't going to work for what she needed. I said ok.
Well, good for her in whatever she decides. At least she has options.
Kevin
The words of Bob Marley: in every life we have some trouble, when you worry you make it double don't worry, be happy
and if that dont make you smile, The Mighty Diamonds: Pass the kutchie pon the lef' hand side It a go bun, it a go dung, Jah know
A little at a time, ok? If that makes it a little less overwhelming. Let go a little at a time.
Remember, it doesn't mean giving up. Be a Kevin any woman would be a fool to leave or refuse. Be strong, be confident, be happy, get comfortable in your own skin. These are all choices. Work on whatever it is you don't like about yourself. Believe you WILL change and God will work it out for your good.
I could be wrong but I understood the issue to be a perm. job that was stable w/benefits vs. a higher paying (short term) contract job and Kevin's W not having to look for work again in 6 months in an unstable economy. I also thought it was an insurance issue as the out of pocket costs were very high vs. having a job w/built in benefits.
There has been LOTS of movement on this thread but I *think* that was the crux of the issue.
CG, those are very valid points - but not what k4 said in his post. It was "great...she's back in her fantasy land...and not being grounded..." etc. It struck me as being small of him, at least for the reasons he expressed in that post.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Remember, it doesn't mean giving up. Be a Kevin any woman would be a fool to leave or refuse. Be strong, be confident, be happy, get comfortable in your own skin. These are all choices. Work on whatever it is you don't like about yourself. Believe you WILL change and God will work it out for your good.
It takes practice. Practice it everyday.
I think that was a great statement.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
The reason I take issue with this is because my W cannot handle having a lot of money. Both my family and her family acknowledged that when she walked into this job 2 years ago making 90k, it completely changed her. It went to her head. She went wild. She became of the opinion she was invincible. In her mind, she acted as if she was now above others and deserved better treatment than others because of her money. She bragged constantly about how much she was making. She quit being a mom. She went out and partied. She quit going to church. She blew money left and right. It was all fantasy for her. 2 years of making this salary and when it came down to her contract ending, she didn't have a dime saved. She was going to come to me for help and I was only making 55k and had more money in savings than her. Her complete attitude towards people and things changed.
So yes, when she decided to take the permanent job for less money and better stability, I was making an assumption that maybe she was finally becoming grounded again. But when she told me that she couldn't do it and opted for the temp contract with higher money, the first thing that popped into my head was, oh no, here we go again. She can't handle the money and the prestige of the position. She has proven to let money completely and 100% go to her head.
So no, I do not want to see her making this kind of money again until she can show that she can handle it. She no longer felt like she had any responsibilities in life when she hit the first job. It was a radical change.
You can think what you want from this. But I know and my family and her family admitted the same thing. The money completely changed her and not for the better. She went off the deep end with it. She had also decided at that point she wanted a guy who also made 100k or more. She was completely soaked up in it and the party lifestyle it afforded her.
Take what you want away from this, but that is what happened to her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
