Lotus-

do you think? I do appreciate your positive thoughts, but for now I feel like it is a little counterproductive to think about it that way.

I made this decision fully realizing I could be moving to a town where I'm going to be living apart from my kids, my wife might be developing a stronger relationship with some other dude, and I am going to be starting a new chapter.

I talked to my MC and he said "its the 4th quarter and you are behind by 2 touchdowns". I agree. he said he wants me to play loose.

so I am. I have decided to take the approach that I need to just be a constant, peaceful presence in her life. forcing her to come down and be with me with the boys certainly didn't work.

laying back, figuring out that I need to reprioritize what is important in my life, thanks to jack, mach, cat, bworl, trapt... and others here, is where I am now.

I see some light now. I am moving to a really great town. its a college town with lots to do, lots of interesting people, and a great life for me. I also will be with my boys. My "dream" of being a heart surgeon, having the beautiful wife, the boys when I come home... is gone for now. but I am coming to terms with that. I really think that in the end I will be a much better person and a happier person. but the process is and has been extremely painful. but as everyone said here it gets a little easier every day.

when I was 19 my mother died suddenly. the waves of grief are something I remember well. this is a similar thing. I feel hopeful for a while then I get waves of grief.

but I haven't cashed in my chips yet. I am just trying to give her a peaceful "lighthouse" (see resources) to come back to if she wants to. she's a mess. she is in a bad place. all I can do is try and be something constant and supportive in her life. that has been my resolution...since yesterday! smile

by they way, spellcheck said "reprioritize" is not a word. if it isn't then I just made it up... or I don't know how to spell it good

also, CAT... my wife is beautiful, yes I am stuck on that... but I also just have always loved being with her.

Last edited by bradley11; 01/29/10 01:32 AM.