Do I use this to open up the communication a little and start initiating a phone call each evening to see who is going to leave?
No, I don't think that would be a good idea.
I agree with Rocked about you paying too much attention to little details. I understand why you do, but it's not healthy for you. And frankly, I think you are being too nice and too darn polite and thanking her for every tiny detail that she does do right. And why do you have to ask her if she's leaving first, and why do you have to ask her about the bedroom or basement? I just hope you can have the attitude of not caring what the blazes she does or doesn't do!
Guess it is my own picture of seeing you there with her, but it seems you are putting on your great smile/face when maybe you should be showing a bit more "firmness" in your face. Not talking about when you are with the kids. I'm talking about when she asks if anything is wrong, or are you alright. Sounds to me like she is feeling guilty and why should you always feel like you have to smile at her? I know you are trying to keep a PMA, but at times I wonder if you are trying too hard and you simply need to pull back and take a break from her and carrying all this burden around.
Are you going to find something or somewhere to go for yourself, since she refused the hotel?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
