I did some more digging and found some questionable texts in her phone, and a number with just initials for a name. I looked at the cellphone bill and she has been calling and texting that number like no body's business and had a few at 2 or 3am during the time I was home. I believe she is having another EA, and because I am gone most of the time there is nothing to keep it from being a PA.
I read in a book a concept, which seems to make sense and might help: When you marry, you agree that you’ll be monogamous if the other person fills your sex/relationship needs. So if you are married, you need to fill those needs to stay married.
My W and I separated for a while, and when we began to reconcile and having sex, I felt much more connected and much more patient with her. As a doctor, I’m sure you know all too well what hormones do…
I’m sure it will be a hard road for you and her to get to a point where life gets to normal, but consider this…if you want your wife and family to stay together, living in a modest home might be much more important together. Not just the for the physical things, but for the feeling of being protected/together/comforted for your wife. If you have time on the plane, try reading “Improve your marriage without talking about it” by Patricia Love after reading the DB books.
There might be many much bigger issues going on. If your anger leads her to a PA, is there any going back? Some stains are permanent, even if they make things better. It sounds like she wants you home, but for good or for never. Moving near your mom who disrespected her during your marriage sounds simple to me; does it for her?
Good luck! Prayer helps a lot, but changes come from us, not from deferring to destiny.
