I don't know how to answer... I have enough "things" to do - I have "things" I like to do- I just don't have the people I love in my life anymore and I don't have a life I want.
Can't change that - can only accept that - it stinks!
Seriously, nothing is working for me that is why I went to therapy and what I hear what I have been saying all along- I need to find healthy people/friends/spouse to be in my life. Is there a club somewhere they all hang out or a store where I can pick one up? B/c I don't have it in me to be sociable anymore. Heck, I don't know if I could ever trust anyone again and that is my greatest fear -becoming lonely, old, depressed and bitter- and I am pretty darn close if not already there.
Husband emailed today asking if we can change the car titles. I told him I wasn't ready for any negative discussion about our marriage - he said - fine stay married forever if you want but I think it is insanity - nothing has worked.... then I interrupted and reminded him that three weeks ago he was emailing me that he wanted to talk b/c he had made some progress and now he doesn't want to talk - how can we work on a marriage with that kind of instability -wants nothing works b/c he doesn't stay committed to changing anything - he said no therapy and hung up.
Therapist says he is just tantrummng - abnormal but that is what it is. Well, I have other things to deal with anyway b/c this is crazy making for me - but what I don't get is that I really am happier when we are together than not. I don't like the arguing and the walking away - the negativity - but when we tried to reunite last summer, three months of being good until it wasn't. We haven't been able to recoup.
