Still not good. I talked him out of leaving last night but he refused to have breakfast with them. He is very uncomfortable because when he came home he said hello to them and got no answer (I was in the kitchen, so I could not witness it). I told him that if he just said that he had made a mistake and now is trying to fix it, they'd understand and try to help. But he got mad and said it is none of their bussiness, and darn if he is going to apologize... that he only owes an apology to me.
Since then he has been either at work or in our room and has not seen them at all, even for breakfast. He left the ring also.
Now I got home and he called to say that he is not going to a birthday party we had been invited to. He'll stay in the house and avoid my brother and sister.
And of course, the more he avoids them, the more they'll think he is mistreating me (my family resented his leaving me alone for long periods of time) and I am stupid. And I do not know what to do.
I cannot go on like this for two weeks... and I cannot tell my siblings to leave...
My head is about to explode.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Colleen, the situation WAS reversed. He had humiliated me in front of his whole family by taking OW in my place to his mother's funeral while denying to me any R with her. And when I learned of that, after the bomb, I called his sister, and gave her my side of the story with him on speakerphone. And then went to spent 1 week alone at my SIL just to face my demons. In the process my SIL and I mended our R and became friends. And I found inner peace.
I'd want him to stand up for me. To stay and not avoid the confrontation. Not that there is any since he just has disappeared. If he lived somewhere else, I'd see him more.
I am furious. He is so unable to confront anyone that he cannot tell OW to clear out, or give him back his stuff. And now he cannot even look at my brother and sister in the eye and take it.
Yesterday he left me alone and I had to take them everywhere. And even concoct a story to tell our friends when I showed up at the birthday party without him. This morning he made me wake up and go fix breakfast while he hides in our room to read, just in case he runs into my brother and sister. I am so furious and disappointed and tired.
I do not know why I even bother... I am considering telling him to clear out. I am not going to spend the rest of my life in hiding.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Well, he just left. Got mad at me because I was at the computer while preparing breakfast. But he eventually ate and left. He hugged me before he left and he was worried about a problem at work, but he made very clear that he wanted to know what we'd be doing so as not to bump into us by mistake.
The fact of the matter is that since he has not set eyes on them, my brother and sister have not even had a chance to even talk to him, be rude to him or whatever he fears they may do.
Is he ever going to learn that you cannot conquer your fears by avoiding them?
I told him clearly yesterday that I had no control over what he chose to do or how he choose to behave. But I also told him that I thought he was flying from the issue by avoiding it. He said he was not flying from it, just did not want to make my siblings uncomfortable by his presence and have our D notice the undercurrents.
Well, I can tell you our D did notice that her Daddy is not home at all...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Well, things are looking up a little. He called me at noon and asked me to lunch, we watched the game in the restaurant and then we went to the bookstore. I left our D with my siblings (mindful to my BB instructions ). He was rather sweet.
The weird thing is that even though he has been out of the house all day and did not wear his ring I have not thought for one minute that he might be with OW.
I had a long conversation with my sister. She agreed that it is my life and I should do what I thought best. She also will cover up and help me with our parents. Took a weight off me. They still don't like him but will agree to whatever I want and support me.
I am much more at peace and less harassed now. I took my brother and sister to dinner and H came back home while we were gone. Now he is watching TV in our bedroom.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Please don't let your sibs ruin what efforts that you and H have made. Of course your sibs are feeling protective, but they should take your cues and go-with-the-flow.
What harm is it if they take the lead and engage your H in a conversation saying that while they don't approve of or understand his choices, they support your choice of working things out.
That may be uncomfortable initially, but could go a long way in helping your H face his demons too. I can only guess how much fear he has of their opinions of him. Remember a person's reputation means everything to them and he is certainly feeling that his is shot with your sibs and it hurts more than he lets on.
I hope things get better as the visit goes on. And if not, just hang in there for this too shall pass. Then it's back to DBing for you and your H!
Will send a prayer up for you!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
). He was rather sweet. 
