So I broke down a little while ago. The rollercoaster was at full speed.
I think what started it was thinking about how I ended my last post and how she's going to likely be spending time with him this weekend.
That made me think how much I want to tell her not to spend time with him and spend more time with me...and how telling her any of that would just make things worse.
But at the same time...I start to wonder what if she really was being honest with me...and they are just friends at this point. If I were to say anything about her not spending time with him, I would be telling her who her friends could be...and even if we were together, I couldn’t or wouldn’t do that.
And to be honest...I've had female friends that I was attracted to and wished it would be more. (Not during the time that she and I were together...I wouldn’t do that.) But right now, she and I aren’t together...so them being friends and her wishing it were more isn’t anything technically.
It just drives me crazy that the more time they spend together...the greater the chance of "whatever happens, happens" happening.
And she's probably so smitten with him that it wouldn’t take much for that to happen. What guy his age (41) wouldn’t want a beautiful 26 year old? And if it does happen, it makes me angry to think he might be using her and her vulnerability...and all it took was being an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on when she talks about her problems. He may have been waiting to make his move..."I can’t believe he did that." or "I'm sorry you had to live with someone like that."
The thought of them together just makes me sick...literally. Every time it happens I literally start retching and choking like I'm gonna throw up.
If he does (want to) pursue her...I wish I could give him a piece of my mind...let him know he's coming between a family. But then that would blow up in my face too. Even if he did have a conscience and agree to bow out...unless he did it in a way that treated my SO like crap, it would probably make her want him more.
Meanwhile, I can’t even get a hug.
She did call me to ask more about the gym membership...so she wasnt turned off by anything that happend this morning.
But still if she and I dont exercise together...it doesnt do me any good for her to be a member. Like I said she may just be getting into shape for him...and my bright idea of showing it to her may have enabled it. I'm beginning to think that nothing I do wont push her closer to him somehow.
Is there anything or any way anyone can think of that would encourage (not force) her to spend time with me one on one without our daughter present? Or even encourage her to spend less time with him?
I know being patient, not contacting her, etc. can help...but I was hoping for something a little less passive...something that doesnt make me feel so helpless.
