someone please help

[chatterbug]

Hi Rob there is a new comers gal , 180 thread. Why not get in the habit of posting that info there every day.

And see what others are doing as well. It could help with the GAL and the concept of I am doing this for myself.

Take Care

[rob668]

k thanks, will check it out

[rob668]

today i GAL by 1. getting a massage, 2. going to gym

[rob668]

Good eve kind folks. I'm here reading and lurking. Let's sty positive for each other!

[rob668]

Sorry for not posting. Things have been tough. I feel very depressed and energy is low. There have been some recent developments.... Would any of you? robx, sandi,gnosis,etc. regulars familiar with my thread be willing to help.?

[Gnosis]

I'm around today... what are the recent developments?

[rob668]

will do in a few mins

[rob668]

Wife told me 3 friends and her are moving to florida in 3 weeks. For the last few years she and i have talked about a possible move there while keeping our residence and my business here during the transition. She said "I'm not leaving you", but this space will give us both time to think. She said our relationship was "wierd". I tried to avoid R talk and instead tried to follow the advice of the board and discuss boundaries. I said very clearly that I would not tolerate an open marriage. I also said i will not wait around while she tests the waters and then decides to return at some point. She told me she loves me very much but needs to experience independence from me. She asked me a few times to come down with her and make a little "vacation" out of it. She also did make mention of the OM and said she "had feelings" for him , but maybe just feels sorry for his plight, being in place with very little future. It's hard to give all the details of our conversation and i'm just confused. Ask me what you want....i'll try to respond briefly, Thanks

[Gnosis]

Wife told me 3 friends and her are moving to florida in 3 weeks.

Well... Florida... that's the next stop before S. America... she's going there to look for another Latino lover.

For the last few years she and i have talked about a possible move there while keeping our residence and my business here during the transition.

Irrelevant.

She said "I'm not leaving you", but this space will give us both time to think.

I know you don't believe this.

She said our relationship was "wierd".

She's right about that.

I tried to avoid R talk and instead tried to follow the advice of the board and discuss boundaries.

See this is where you keep screwing up... you don't "discuss" boundaries... YOU MAKE THEM and then ENFORCE them when they are crossed. Boundaries are NOT up for discussion.

I said very clearly that I would not tolerate an open marriage.

Good that you said that... but she knows you don't mean it... because you have tolerated it so far.

I also said i will not wait around while she tests the waters and then decides to return at some point.

Really? And what are you going to do? Rob, sorry, but your track record speaks for itself. She knows you don't mean it because you have allowed her to walk all over you - repeatedly.

She told me she loves me very much but needs to experience independence from me.

Maybe she does... maybe she doesn't... problem is you cannot believe her because of HER proven track record.

She asked me a few times to come down with her and make a little "vacation" out of it.

She's a sick little puppy isn't she?

Q: Can you just up and leave your business "as is" to do that?
I think the answer is "No" and she knows this... so she is gas-lighting you and giving you false hope.
If the answer is "Yes" then it may be something to consider.

She also did make mention of the OM and said she "had feelings" for him , but maybe just feels sorry for his plight, being in place with very little future.

That's pure BS and you know it. I guess she runs around and gives everyone "mercy phone sex" that she meets online. Don't be fooled.

OK, here are my questions for you because I can't recall your entire sitch and don't have the patience to re-read everything:

1) Have blocked off her phone access?
2) Have blocked off her internet access?
3) Have you seen a Lawyer?
4) Have you separated your bank accounts?
5) Have you cut off funding her little fantasies?

If I was you I would cut off ALL financial support except for the bare essentials (e.g. groceries, gas money etc) I would not be the one to fund her escapades any further. If she wants to fly off to dream land I'd make sure that it was on her own dime and would ensure that I would NOT lift one little finger to support her.

Please answer the above questions and give details for the answer above... i.e. If "yes"... then why... if "no"... then why.

After you've done that, get dressed up and find somewhere to watch the SuperBowl. Go and enjoy the game. Stay away from alcohol. If you're not prepared to do this for yourself then I have nothing further to say because it's obvious you have not been listening to anyone here... and ordinarily if this was not Sunday... I would not have answered you...

[rob668]

first, Thankyou for taking the time to respond.1. She has a cell with phone cards that she purchases. 2.she doesn't use internet.3.Plan on calling a lawyer.4.Yes , seperate account.5.I' really not giving her any cash and the credit card wasn't used to my knowledge. My business does allow me to adjust schedule easily plus it's slow now. Not sure about what you mean about something to consider. Ps she plans on driving to florida.