I agree. I take into account what W might think. So how do I do it differently? I just do it and not worry about how she might take it?
So the basic thought is detach first, then reconcile later. Correct?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The only thing is that when D12 logs into her computer to IM me, W can see that I actually am online for D12, but not her. Could that be bad?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So the basic thought is detach first, then reconcile later. Correct?
Kevin
I think detach and only detach now. Reconcile may come later if your W goes down that road.
I deleted friends of friends from my FB yesterday. I asked my kids to delete exh from thiers. Taking the steps to not be in the loop are hard because you might miss something, but all I have been thru is pain. Nothing that has made me feel better.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
HOW? You make decisions for you and YOU only and not factor in what your W would think.
How your W (or anybody for that matter) takes what you do is not within your control. You base every move you make on your W's potential reaction.
Yes, detach first. You may or may not reconcile but the only way to reconcile is to detach from the situation so *if* you do reconcile, you are in a much healthier/different/stronger place.
Your decision making skills have not changed or improved. You are unable to manage stress and control your worry, you have said countless times you are not happy alone and you are sick of this life. None of this things are "WOW, Kevin is GREAT husband material".
While you may not sit up at night and think of ways to manipulate the situation, you do. You know damn good and well BOTH your kids will do whatever they can do get "family time" with you and your W. So it is *real* easy to say you gave your little daughter the choice on her b-day about dinner at the crab place or "family time" because a blind and deaf fool would know she would pick family time. It was not for her or not ALL for her, giving her the choice when you knew what she was going to pick suited you just fine.
Once you start to detach in a healthy way it will be much easier for you to set boundaries.
HELL, you can't even set a boundary for YOURSELF and take her off of your phone.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I can't believe I just did that. Geez, I didn't even hold my own boundary with yall. Oh well, what is done is done.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
