Honestly, Kevin. Until you really "get" the difference between distancing and detaching there really is nothing else to talk about.
You think distancing is detaching and it is not. Not even close.
Now the problem is that you and your W have played the "I take him off and he takes me off high school game" before. Take her off your phone and don't put her back on. Period.
If she has to reach you and it is that urgent she can call you like most normal people that don't let Facebook and IM run their lives. There are *very* few reasons she should be disturbing you during the day anyways.
Taking her off the phone is not a way to "put her out of your mind" as you say. It is to remove an element that is not pleasing to you and certainly not necessary to your well being.
You say it irritates you. Well, take it off. You would rather be irritated but connected to your W. Plain and simple. Don't try and sell it any other way.
You said you and your W were married for 10 years. 10 years ago Facebook and smart phones and all that did not exist. Certainly she had a way to get in touch with you then. There is no reason to be so technologically connected to her unless you *want* to be. And you do. Your choice. But don't say it irritates you but you can't change it just in *case* she wants to get a hold of you. Your W is not a stupid woman. If she needs to get in touch with you she will.
Detaching yourself from knowing her EVERY move during the day does not mean putting her "out of your mind" as you seem to think it does. It simply means you are detaching your mind from her day to day doings so you can work on your OWN thing and not be concerned about what she is doing or if she is trying to get in touch with you.
I don't have to run it by anyone. Why can't I just be allowed to give it some thought before I make a decision on it?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Because you spend weeks thinking things out then nothing happens. Then when we ask about the change you probably should be making in the name of mental health and detachment you find somebody to agree with you that has a totally different situation and say "well, I thought about it but I decided not to because XXXXXX said so".
If you want to model yourself after detached people then you must first become detached yourself.
Decision making is not your strong suit. Yet you continue to approach making decisions in the same way... the thinking and the speculating of how another might perceive your decision for your own well being and the cycle continues.
At the very least, what would be a new way to approach decision making other than the "thinking about it and using the same bullet points" you always do?
