Next steps

[avermont]

Hey Pearl-

No worries on how I will take your response. I called on you BECAUSE you are a tough lover and a 2x4 swinger. I wanted your honest response.

I know there are no guarantees in DB'ing. I have been working on letting go of hope for some months now, and have come pretty close to feeling complete that I would not take X back now, even if he came crawling with roses.

No, clearly I am not detached. If I were detached, he could move the whole Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders into the house with him, and I wouldn't care.

That's why I hesitated to write to him: "I need more time to be able to deal with my emotions" because I didn't want to look un-detached.

As we don't see or speak with each other, my detachment or lack thereof can remain my project--unless I ask for more time on the house based on "please be considerate of my current emotional sitch."

So I am searching for a way--L in hand--to put off his request to move forward on the house now. Just because he decides to demand that I agree to his terms by February 28th, doesn't mean I have to do it. Right? He has just as much right to demand that I go stand on my head in the town square.

I can put trust and faith in the idea that there is some future point where I can honestly say: sure, have the house with your new GF. I don't really care.

But I am not at that point yet. I am just coming out of my pain enough to honestly consider a change of careers and re-locating as real possibilities. And it's harder to do that when I have to fight for a place to live, or if I don't fight, just go through the hassle of finding a new house. If I can stay here and take a year to look at schooling, career, living options, it will just be easier for me.

It is truly beginning to fill my mind that I can make this an opportunity to do something new or other with my life. The only problem being--I really like my life! I love my job, my friends, my town, etc. There weren't any major areas of dissatisfaction that I would have chosen to change.

Thank you for your words. Keep them coming. If you have any advice on detaching, keep that coming.

I like what you wrote about keeping the house out of "spite" and thus just wallowing. I will give that serious thought.

Thanks for the reminder on "how I choose to deal with these things defines who I am as a person."

Thank you.