Is it me? Or is it really everyone else? lol.

[smith18]

There is always the photo collage album as a option. Major pursuit, but it worked for my W when her mind was all a fog and she was creating revisionist history. Definitely not DB oriented.

I still think you need to break your codependence cycle before you have a chance of piecing any marriage with your W.

Now if your W was also codependent, that might work. Can 2 codependent people exist peacefully in an R?

[volleydog]

Kevin I know this has been posted to you before but maybe you need it again...

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

[K4D]

Now we're getting somewhere!!!

1. You assume she's fine. You don't know that. Maybe she cries herself to sleep every night. Ever think about that?
2. You're not apart and separated. Every time she contacts you you drop everything and immediately reply back. So you're really just a text away.

Starting to see?

Yes, I see that. I do know that she is constantly on the phone or IMing online with friends or texting with them non-stop. It is ridiculous. She even has her status posted about what she is doing at any given point whether it be out of the house or eating or whatever as if the whole world is waiting to see what W is up to. That drives me batty. Granted, that is a personal thing of mine.

But yes Drew, I see.

[K4D]

Now if your W was also codependent, that might work.

She actually is codependent on attention as you can see from looking at my previous post.

Kevin

[K4D]

Kevin I know this has been posted to you before but maybe you need it again...

Thanks VD. It is just that reading something doesn't change me emotionally. But yes, thank you for posting it again.

Kevin

[Drew]

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

[Startingover2]

Whhhhewww! Just caught up.

I am slowly detaching and its a huge process....but I promise you it is so worth it! You will feel so much better inside and out. I like what VD posted above. What a great list.

[K4D]

I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Thanks Drew,

Kevin

[CityGirl]

Well, if you know her status is always changing then you must be following her as well!

[volleydog]

Click on the link SO2, there is a ton of good info on the site for detachment...and the effect of not detaching.