The advice I am looking for is how to move towards a reconciliation, not walk away and say she isn't worth it.
Kevin
You fail to see it, but the only way to draw your W back is to walk away in a sense. She has no reason to want to reconcile as it stands. She is a cake eater and you need to move away from that.
For a reconcilliation to work, the onus has to be on your W to lead the way back. If you are sitting idle and will gladly accept her back the instant she says "lets try again", piecing will never work.
I gave D8 the option to choose what she wanted. It was her birthday. I was going to do whatever she wanted to do regardless of what W or her dad thought or wanted.
She initially chose crab shack, but you then gave her a new delima to chose again based upon grandpa wanting mexican instead.
I gave D8 the option to choose what she wanted. It was her birthday. I was going to do whatever she wanted to do regardless of what W or her dad thought or wanted.
Kevin
Your daughter is going through a difficult situation with her parents being separated. Please avoid putting any additional pressure on her.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Well, I leave W alone. I don't bother her. And I am trying to get a job now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me setting boundaries with W GAL Be happy in my life no matter what current circumstances are Live life to the fullest Do for me and not for what W might think
These are things that you need to review every day to make sure you are following through. Print them out. Be consistent with them. You know what they are, but just dont put them in practice.
But I will add, #1 of all is to focus on the kids. That has always been the guiding force for me.
Yes, you leave W alone, you are DISTANCED from her.
You are not *detached*
And before you come back and say I can't detach because it means I won't care and it means I have to turn my back on her stop and think about what detachment really means.
This is not about "leaving your W alone" or "not bothering her".
If you want to pave the way to a reconciliation neither of those "strategies" are going to work.
I think my thing is that if she is already fine with being apart and separated, how does continuing to stay out of contact with her help anything? Yes, I understand about GALing. But the things I have mentioned in the past that I was doing seemed to have no affect on her. I just keep wondering if there is another way to go about this that might include a bit more conversation with her and pulling her back in.
But if I do or say anything, it is pursuing. I can't just go have a conversation or do anything with her without it being pursuing.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
This is not about "leaving your W alone" or "not bothering her".
If you want to pave the way to a reconciliation neither of those "strategies" are going to work.
My point exactly.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Of course she is fine being separated and apart. As I said she has a darn good gig! She has you eagerly waiting in the background ready to jump when she needs you but she knows you will stay out of her hair when she tells you to. She only has to deal with her kids 50% of the time and when she wants more than 50% she gets it. And she gets to be single and have other men and her freedom. So yeah, my guess is she is quite pleased with the setup she has created.
We suggested you "go dark" aside from the children so you can work on you. Nobody is telling you to "stay out of contact". We are telling you the contact you have is not conducive to a reconciliation.
Why would she WANT to be "pulled back in" full time when she has you part time now and the single life?
I think my thing is that if she is already fine with being apart and separated, how does continuing to stay out of contact with her help anything?
Kevin
Now we're getting somewhere!!!
1. You assume she's fine. You don't know that. Maybe she cries herself to sleep every night. Ever think about that? 2. You're not apart and separated. Every time she contacts you you drop everything and immediately reply back. So you're really just a text away.
Starting to see?
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
