Well I'm 31 my H is 30. Been together since HS, 13 years, married for 7. We have a 2.5 year old son. My H after we had our son had an affair with my EXbest friend of a decade. Checked the cell phone bills, found a letter he wrote her, confronted her and him both. Both denied. He began drinking heavily. We separated February two years ago. He drank drank drank became severly depressed. The affair ended two years ago March. He did outpatient treatment for 6 weeks to apease me and his parents. Things worsened after....the first round of treatment...he bounced around bars telling his sob story finding empathy in women....and eventually Jan 3 of last year was the last night he drank. His dad and i pulled him out of a bar and I said I'm walking. I'm done can't do this anymore. He did inpatient treatment for 60 days about an hour south of where we live. He moved back home...things were going well...and then he got laid off in November. He said I'm not happy, think we should just be done, etc. My son and I moved out back to my parents, where we currently are. He is manic depressed and has started drinking again...small amounts ...now but probably only a matter of time. There are days where I think we're going to be better off but there is much history with him and we have our son. Thing is there was NONE of this prior to the affair. NONE. Not even a glimpse. I was his world for years and years so this new person....he has become in the last 2.5 years is foreign but the norm sadly now. He pulls the pity like nobody's business...hate my life, don't see it getting better anytime soon, I have no friends, no life, life is falling apart, wonder if today will be the day I take all the pills, etc. etc. He is due to see a psychiatrist in a week and doesn't seem to be following through with IC.
I'm stuck...unsure of a future with him as he is...but can things ever go back to the same or even somewhat? He needs a lot of help. My self esteem took a severe blow in the last two years...at first I was desparate to hang on to make it work I was unhealthy, codependent, ill as well. Thought no one's going to want to be with me....I'm baggage, I must not be attractive enough, etc. etc. You can imagine. But I've been doing lots of counseling, books, journaling, church, groups, support, etc. Different person now. It's weird because most of the time I am pretty happy given the circumstances and really he only seems to drag me down or hurt me. But it's hard to let go entirely....I don't know anything else....at all! He's all I've ever known. I'm scared ....not sure of what to do...at this point I'm moving forward with my life..finishing school, I'm first on the waiting list for the townhome I want, raise my son, and if he comes around great if not well I'm that much more prepared for life without him. Just want to be happy and I do want companionship I truly do miss that, miss holding hands, kissing, someone to sleep next to ....all those things.
