You guys all give great advice and thank you, I need to get back to focusing on me. I thought about what Pearl said above "what has caused this fear as of late" FOr me I think it's really highlighted more acutely now when I am traveling for work and on the road alone, checking into hotels, and living the life of "Up in the Air Movie"...before it was more do-able w a partner but now it just feels so much more lonely. That, couple w some overwhelming thoughts about move, and going on a date/smooching a guy I was really not into (there are some frogs out there!)...I think that highlighted just missing H more. While I think it's good in my situation to date, get out there, and move on, when you go on bad dates it's almost harder, there is that natural comparison to H, which may persist for awhile.
I talked to friends dad who is D lawyer and again thought nothing to hurt in consult. I think i've been a little overwhelmed by so much different advice from friends, family, etc. Need to assess appropriate risks and a consult can help guide me, yes, but also has potential to get costly, drawn-out, and ugly, and in the end since we're both working professionals w good jobs, no kids (and I have more to lose if he were to come after) it may not be worth going down the legal route and just signing papers and being done w it. But at least a consult will inform me of that so agree that no harm in sitting down w a L, educating myself, and having someone if need be if any surprises pop up down the road.. But goodness, there is the benefit/time/cost savings of just ending as we are and avoiding the drawn out and emotional process that some D's can take. There are also mediators which a friend who was in a similar situation used and it was all amicable and relatively clean.
Anyways, enough of the L stuff...I need to separate emotions/principle (yes I did support him) with the PRacticality here too...ok yes maybe in principle he could/should give me some back, but what are the potential costs in pursuing this ... it may not be worth it in the end.
And yes, I think my anger/bitterness this past week was driving me more wanting to pursue that path...and I can't be totally at the whim of my emotions. This is where you all are right, back to focusing on ME, improving and taking care of myself, NOT obsessing (yes I have tendency to do this, overanalyze and think to much), having FUN, and not FEAR. I spent couple hrs on the phone yesterday w man i met on NYE that is going through D as well...really nice conversation and we talked how FEAR is a big motivator in many ways...and not how we should live our lives. So many of us feel like we're at the edge of a big precipice in this stage, and it's hard to know where to go, sometimes you feel paralyzed. Focused on the moment and the small things you can control, i guess, have faith, and let the rest fall into place.
Keep detaching, stop worrying, keep busy, have fun. Well I am going to Vegas this weekend (my first time ever!) w some friends and I am looking forward to having fun!
Thanks again for everything all...and I may take you up on the offer Pearl and reach out to you offline soon. I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself as well!
LFA I think about you often too. Do you ever think you'll have a friendship w H or even want to? Or perhaps just having him totally out of life is easiest way to move on?
