What to do on VD day depends on what stage you are in. If you are in full blown WAS mode with little to no contact then any gift is pursuing. I like the ideas of doing something with your kids, helping someone else or GAL for you.
The first stage of reconciliation is getting rid of negative feelings. So unless you are having consistent positive interactions then stick with the advice above.
Second stage is becoming friends again. Here I would do something that shows you understand who your spouse is - 5LLs, music they would enjoy, a book, fix something around the house, etc. A gift that shows you have more than a business connection with them. A gift that shows a emotional connection but not romantic. Show them you understand them and that they matter to you.
Third stage is re-igniting the romance. If you are in Newcomers then you aren't here.
For the curious the fourth stage is re-commiting. The is when you both have the marriage you honestly wanted.
Coach I think I can speak for many of us LBSs and thank you for a thorough reply that covers so many different sitchs. I too had this question in my mind, especially since W and I are talking about taking a family trip with the kids that weekend. W and I are in stage 2, barely, there are still negative feelings but we are friends again but are not romantic at all. So this is perfect for me.
Your advice is valued highly by anyone who has spent some time reading these boards, thanks for taking the time on what is a tough question for many of us
Gut...you definitely speak for me...I heartily agree. MANY thanks to Coach and everyone else who weighed in on this.
I am in between stage 1 and stage 2 so I decided to do this: I ordered a Valentines Cookie arrangement addressed to "Mommy" from "Daddy, Hannah and Ryan". That feels about right to me.
Good luck to my fellow LBS's and I wish us all HOPE and STRENGTH through Valentines Day and beyond in the New Year!
