You don't have to read this post now as it is more personal than DB'ing but it might help you understand some of your tendencies when you cannot stop worrying or being stressed.
You show many, many depressive tendencies that are very cyclical. I do too. My psych (an MD) said that when you are clinically depressed your brain fires off messages in a different way than when you are not depressed. And he was not talking about having a chemical imbalance which is something much different but true clinical depression.
The problem I had, and my dr. said this is rather textbook, is that you (general you) learn to cope with clinical depression but it is done in an unhealthy way. The unhealthy coping mechanisms we use do NOTHING to help your brain fire off "normal messages" and we stay in that hole of depression.
Some people (myself included) can be "ok" for small stretches of time but when ONE thing goes wrong we fall apart. And I sort of see that in you about this whole job loss thing. And sure, it would be stressful to anybody but you seem to feel it at a much deeper level.
Depressed people have main triggers and secondary triggers. When I have to deal with my H I can actually feel my body behaving differently. For the past few weeks in dealing with him, other things that really aren't such a big deal that have nothing to do with him *really* upset me. That is how I know I am on a good path but have not beaten this depression full force.
You mentioned you stopped taking your meds because they made you feel worse. I am sure you know there are hundreds of meds that are used for depression therapy and often times it takes a while to find the right ones.
I take Lexapro and my psych calls that the "base drug" for the medicinal portion of my depression therapy. I have read and heard horror stories about Lexapro but for me it has been great.
The reason I am sharing this with you is I existed the same way as you are now. I found unhealthy ways to cope with the depression but when something went wrong it sent me to a place of uncontrollable anxiety and sheer panic. The highs and lows can be and *are* mind bending. My low was so low I wound up hospitalized thinking I was having a heart attack. The ER doctor thought I was a drug addict I was in such a state of panic.
IMO when you are at that point a C or a primary care doctor is not the route you take. You need to get yourself even with the help of a psych then tackle the C side of depression.
