Now I need advice on how to confront H with the information I have found. They were doing it in his truck at a park, seen it with my own eyes. It was during her lunch from work. After he dropped her off back at work. He does not know that know yet. I also confirmed that she does have husband. PLEASE help.
Amazing self control not killing the both of them right then and there. Bravo. Question, are you honestly interested in saving your marriage after seeing that?
Quote:
Sorry so long and everyone 2x4’s welcome. I did expose A to H tonight. I told him what I knew, and of course, he tried to deny it at first. However, eventually he admitted it in not so many words. I won’t try to write out everything that was said, but I will give a brief summary: Me: I told H that I seen it with my own eyes last night H: he got mad and started telling me “f…k you”. He said that he had told me he was done, and so he didn’t consider it cheating. Me: I stayed very calm and just told him these were his choices, not mine. I told him that I wasn’t the only one that knew about it or seen it (I didn’t tell him who else knew). I also said that OW’s H had a right to know as well. H: He informed me that she hadn’t told her H, but that she was planning to leave him. He also then told me he was done, and was getting a lawyer Me: I told him to do whatever he felt he needed to. Then I said I was done talking and walked away
This is the perfect opportunity to use the Last Resort Technique.
File first.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scourned.
My take, you will find out he is not actually "Done" and will endlessly try to get the last word in. Especially, when you have nothing more to say to him. And much to his suprise, the other woman isn't going to just up and leave her husband for a piece on the side who lives with his momma and whose wife is going to rake him over the coals in divorce court. Realize, true love only occurs on the bench seat of a Ford F150 when you are young; and there is truth to the saying "soft place to land." Your husband isn't going to turn out to be her knight in shining armor (a.ka. sugar daddy) that all cheatin' princesses are dreaming of; and very few leave stability to live off a wing an a prayer. Fantasy is over.
Alas, The sooner YOU TAKE CONTROL the better. And by taking control, I mean the attitude, "We Are Done!" "We need to talk; Right NOW! It is Important; I would like to know when you are going to pay these Bills;And if seeing the kids 3 weekends a month and Wednesday night for 2 hours in the evening is going to be too much for your busy schedule." "Thats all I need to ask you." "You cheated. We Are Done!" This attitude immediately will have the greatest effect. (There should be an Olympic event for back-pedaling).
Notice, Elin didnt take any crap from whats his name. Beat him with his own golf clubs on the side of the road when she found out. LOL. And maybe it took Elizabeth a couple years to file against John Edwards, but she doesnt need the money and in the end he will be missing an eye (and a tooth). But do you see how your husband is trying to do the same control thing to you right now? How his "demand" to talk has you scrambling, asking questions, not sure what to do? And he is the one threathening Divorce after getting busted in affair? (With a 3rd party witness to them having sex.) OMG. Let him. He must have read "Hold on to your Nuts" because he has quite a pair to be that bold.
Time to turn the page. He has no reason to be in demand or control right now. He is trying to keep you scared, meek and co-dependent to him.
You can read alot of story of people on this site who live with (and support) their cheating spouses for years and do the "hanging on, waiting" routine. Then one day, the cheating spouse realizes they really cant stand what their BS has become, weak, ineffective, drained of self-esteem and respect, and then they are through and the BS moves to the Divorced Forum looking for moral support and someone to tell him statistically the odds are getting better nationally for people to remarry. That is an awful way to live.
Or you can do what works and is seldomly spoken about on this site but is what happens over and over in the real world. Actually, you can read about it here, there are a couple guys who cheated or walked away from their wifes, then their wifes woke up to reality, and moved on with their lives, and now these men are here. Might be your husband some day trying to piece together what he lost.
I could not find any current court cases for the OW or her H.
Exposing is useful but it should not be the only thing you are concerned with right now.
GET YOUR DUCKS IN ORDER! BE PREPARED! HAVE A PLAN AND SCRIPT TO RECITE EACH TIME YOU TALK WITH HIM FROM HERE ON OUT!
There are a couple guys on this site who have recently we received "The Call" from the Other Man's Wife. Not too damn much has changed in their situation other than they now believe what was being told to them for months on this forum. It is not a cure all solution to the problems you are facing. It is just a phone call.
Not until your husband has to face reality and it scares him $hitle$$ is he going to wake up to facts that he needs to clean up his act and work seriously on himself and his marriage. On the flip side, realize, if you welcome him back in the house willingly without changes in his behavior and attitude towards you thinking the solution is just to be at home where you can keep an eye on him, You will most likely end up like the girl with the hockey husband or worse he will cheat again. This cannot be swept under the rug in hopes your marriage will "just" survive.
I would recommend you get prepared with your finances so you can give him a exact figure of how much you need in support weekly/monthly and have a attorney prepared custody and visitation schedule set up to benefit you ready for him to sign.
Do you have a support group other than the forum board? A bunch of raging red head divorcies to get your mind straight, advise you on how to get everything, and toss you to wolves before you are ready? It is probably exactly what you need right now.
Understand, he is going to try and control you and the situation to mimize it and its outcome. Esp. financially if this proceeds to a court divorce. It is best you know what to say beforehand, say nothing else and if he keeps saying divorce then tell him maybe its better if all of this is discussed by our attorneys from here on out.
I could not find any current court cases for the OW or her H.
Exposing is useful but it should not be the only thing you are concerned with right now.
GET YOUR DUCKS IN ORDER! BE PREPARED! HAVE A PLAN AND SCRIPT TO RECITE EACH TIME YOU TALK WITH HIM FROM HERE ON OUT!
Not until your husband has to face reality and it scares him $hitle$$ is he going to wake up to facts that he needs to clean up his act and work seriously on himself and his marriage. On the flip side, realize, if you welcome him back in the house willingly without changes in his behavior and attitude towards you thinking the solution is just to be at home where you can keep an eye on him, You will most likely end up like the girl with the hockey husband or worse he will cheat again. This cannot be swept under the rug in hopes your marriage will "just" survive.
Understand, he is going to try and control you and the situation to mimize it and its outcome. Esp. financially if this proceeds to a court divorce. It is best you know what to say beforehand, say nothing else and if he keeps saying divorce then tell him maybe its better if all of this is discussed by our attorneys from here on out.
Listen to all of ^ this!!! My husband has admitted to two affairs going on at the same time and I am just to the point of not playing the nice act and getting my ducks in a row. The funny thing is that my husband has been talking about getting his own place, own account, divorcing for at least the past 6 months so I ASSUMED that he had been getting his ducks in a row and had a plan. As soon as I BEGAN to make moves to (1) divorce (scheduled mediation appt) (2) end our lease (wrote letter to aparmtnet to move out within 60 days based on husband constantly threatening that he would be having his own apartment on April 1st and (3) open my own bank account and separate our finances, husband has STOPPED all divorce and separation talk. He now realizes that his chit isn't in order adn that he does not have the money to divorce, pay child support, rent an apartment, and live the single/bachelor life that he has envisioned. Oh well for him, i guess his fairy tale or fantasy isn't what he thought it was going to be.
Mb28, your husband will also realize this. Be strong and listen.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
Seen H last night for a few minutes, his night with kids. No R or D talk, I just kept busy. I got the sense he wanted to talk to me, but I never gave him the opportunity. Going dark is very hard.
I forgot to mention that the night before; he did say to me "She is the only friend I have that I can talk to about us because she is going through the same thing". Of course I didn't reply, and then he said, "She is worried about her job and kids, so I guess we can't be friends anymore". That makes me wonder if the exposure scared her off.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I forgot to mention that the night before; he did say to me "She is the only friend I have that I can talk to about us because she is going through the same thing". Of course I didn't reply, and then he said, "She is worried about her job and kids, so I guess we can't be friends anymore". That makes me wonder if the exposure scared her off.
yes..... exposure scares the married ones off real quick.
do you understand what this :
""She is the only friend I have that I can talk to about us because she is going through the same thing"."
Yes, I take it as friends with benefits (-: He told me that the problem with us, is that I don't really love him and he deserves to be with someone that loves him for him. Then he went on to say, she is having the same problem. Her H doesn't want a D either, and she feels he doesn't really love her either. All of that to me is one big copout. This is all part of their plan, to try to get together.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
