WAH in MLC with PA

[fisherman]

When the alien returns to earth do they see the acts that LBS had to take as protecting their family? Or do they see things like custody processes and separation agreements as us letting go at the time or consequences of their actions?

What do you mean by protection? What are you seeing as threatening?

If your family is in need of protection, you do what you have to do.

Who cares what he thinks.

Could the action be part of WAH downward path to bottom? (I know it's subjective but I'm just looking for informed opinions)

I'm not trying to sound harsh, I just hate to see people do this. I used to as well.

This is pointless

[fisherman]

This has to be about you.

Not what he may or may not think or do.

You first.

[Cadet]

Could the action be part of WAH downward path to bottom? (I know it's subjective but I'm just looking for informed opinions)

Yes they are headed down.
Who knows where the bottom is. Further down.

[DiamondGirl]

What do you mean by protection? What are you seeing as threatening?

I guess his unpredictability in his actions and the lack of parenting that is so uncharacteristic of him... I don't trust his thinking these days.. definitely not rational.. But I'm sure he won't harm the kids or take off with them permanently or anything.. except being grumpy and yelling around them though I can give them the calm environment when they aren't with them to offset it..

Basically I guess the rule of thumb these days is for me to take minimal legal action unless life threatening??

Sorry if I sound obtuse but I feel like I'm walking around blind when dealing with him these days...

[DiamondGirl]

His docs were as expected.. he wants joint custody to ensure that both of us make major decisions together, and also the ability to inform me he is taking the kids out of province without my having a say in it... To the OW's house I imagine...

I've got to think on this as lots of feelings going around... Nothing has to be done immediately anymore at any rate..

[DiamondGirl]

Thank you so much for this gentle 2x4....

Reading my post today it's obvious I fell back into the codie way our marriage was where I considered everything by including how he would feel/see things as well...

I'm thinking of me and my kids.. but first me now...

Maybe I need to tattoo it on my forehead or something..

[fisherman]

Don't take what I said the wrong way.

There are times we need to ask ourselves some pretty tough questions especially when there are children involved.

We have to keep our anger and frustraion in check so it doesn't affect our decision making.

I guess my point was that you shouldn't make important decisions based on the fear of losing him or because you're upset. Do what's best for you.

I've got to think on this as lots of feelings going around... Nothing has to be done immediately anymore at any rate..

This is awesome that you realize this. Very hard to do at times but it prevents you from reacting with an emotional decision and allows you to choose a calm logical one. Good for you.

[DiamondGirl]

Having a rough day today..

WAH emailed me asking if I read his revisions.. I haven't replied and I don't intend to until after I talk to a L and get the subsidy approved Monday afternoon... I figure it is his turn to sweat it out and wonder about my thinking/actions...

I honestly don't feel that my D3 is old enough to travel out of country (and I don't think it is fair to allow one and not the other)... I may be overprotective but the idea of her doing it without me beside her does not sit well with me.. Funny how H used to call my overprotectiveness with our children's safety being cute...a "mama bear" to her cubs.. somehow I don't think he'll see it that way these days...

Darn.. did it again.. thought of what he'd think..

*sigh*

It's sooo hard being at odds with him when we used to be so connected and on the same team with regards to the kids.. I DON'T want to be his enemy.. I want to be his partner again.. but I can't right now.. and I may never be again... and that sucks something painful!

Even reading the other posts today doesn't seem to be working the usual magic at restoring my hope for my R with H... I feel like things are so hopeless for us to reconnect at some point... we seem eons away from each other...

I know OW helped him with the revisions because there is a word in there that my H would not have known or known how to spell (he's people smart not book smart).. he used to get annoyed when I used "ten dollar words" instead of "plain english".. seems like he found another one who does that..

The idea of OW helping him with the custody docs to specify the breakup of my family hurts so much... I wish she would just disappear.. but she won't unless he gets rid of her.. which he won't as he sees her as his new future...

I feel so down and hopeless right now.. And so weak because I feel that way...

Suddenly I'm a surfer of pain waves when I've always been terrified of deep water...

[fisherman]

We tend to get down when we either, look too far ahead or place too much focus on our crazy spouse.

No worries, the fantasy of the OW will fade and her true colors will shine through in time.

They are not capable of anything close to a real relationship.

Have faith.

Keep working on you. This take lots of time and is so far from over. You are doing a wonderful job, keep pressing forward.

[DiamondGirl]

How do you connect through FB? I just became a fan of DB...