Wow, Underdog. I just finished skimming your previous threads and reading this one. Thanks for dropping by mine too.
Have you gotten in IC yet? May I suggest that when you do, you discuss with him/her the possibility that you have a sex addiction, but also that you may be bipolar. I don't know as much about sex addiction (though I was convinced for about two years that I had it!), but I'm becoming an expert om my own dysfunction - bipolar disorder .
The hyper-sexuality, lying, justifying, depression, mood swings. Your thoughts seem to be flying in every post I've read. Racing thoughts are also a symptom. As are being reckless and lacking impulse control. The depression ranges from vague feelings that you aren't getting enough out of life to suicidal thoughts.
I am NOT saying bipolar disorder is your problem! I am not a licensed therapist! But you sound a lot like me - the things you have done (including the lying btw), the ways you speak, the out-of-control roller coaster of emotions and actions. It is something you may want to consider.
That being said, the person you hurt here by lying is yourself. Most of these people are wonderful and caring, even the ones who get pretty tough. By lying for so long you kept them from helping you move forward, getting your life on track. It takes guts to come clean and to get help for yourself. Many people with an addiction or other mental disorder are never capable of helping themselves; someone else has to get it for them. So the fact that you can identify your own failings and understand that you need help proves you're no lost cause.
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Me being on the other side does not change any of this.
Actually, with this I disagree. For me, having been on the wrong side of the fence makes it clearer to me where my WAH is now. You need to get your mind clear first. But then, examine what you did and how you felt, reacted, etc. It could give you a lot of insight.
Your apologies are said and accepted by many (most) you offended. While continuing to beat yourself up may feel appropriate, enough is enough. People screw up. That doesn't doom you forever.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
