Trying LRT - Please Help!

[motherof3]

Update:

On Monday night, S6 wanted to cash in his free pizza coupon with the school Book-it program. So off we go to Pizza Hut. S6 also wanted to invite H to join us. I wasn’t thrilled but said okay and just assumed H would say no. I had S6 call and invite him to meet us at the restaurant. To my surprise, H said yes. I wasn’t really in the mood to face H but I made it through the meal. No earth shattering events or conversations took place. It just felt rather awkward.

Since then H has tried to reach me the last couple days both at work and on my cell phone. I just haven’t been picking up the phone. At night when I call the kids, H doesn’t ask to speak to me, so I just leave it at that.

The more I think through my sitch, I believe that I have now shifted into a new role as the WAW to an extent. Is that even possible? I am at a point right now that I just don’t care anymore. I don’t have anything left to give. Not that H would want to take anything that I offered anyway. I truly feel that the only reasons I have not filed for D at this point is because of financial reasons and the kids. If money issues are the only thing that is stopping me, then I guess I am okay with cake-eating for awhile. After all, H is still helping with the bills. And the kids? At this point, I don’t want to be the one to file first and explain to the kids that I initiated the process of breaking up their family. However, I am not sure how long I will be able to hold this stance. I want to move on with my life.

The one thing I don’t get is back in September and October H said he wanted a D. Then back in December H said he still wanted a D. Fast forward to the present. H has made no move to start this process. I just don’t understand. If he wants a D so bad, than why not get it over with? I am sure he would say something to the effect that the holidays came up and the past couple of months he has been busy at work and traveling. I think those are just excuses. In my opinion, he is just chicken sh!t.