Need some help with moving forward.

[talia]

Hi Michael,
You've gotten some great advice and support on your thread so far... I'm going to shatter that. Talia weilding gianT 2X4.. Sorry in advance - this will be harsh but its what you need to hear....

At what point did you agree to be in an open marriage? Your wife can't possibly respect you - you've done nothing to earn her respect. You cheated and she threw a fit - you changed. She cheated and you accepted. You haven't setup any clear boundaries and the weak ones you did setup you haven't enforced. You are not good together if she is with someone else, what you are feeling is history. If the two of you go on from here it will be with an entirely new relationship. TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

You need to GAL. You cannot seem to imagine life without her and you need to find some kind of life thats yours. No one on this planet needs another person to be happy. You need to find that place and you CANNOT do it while you are trying to placate your wife into ending her affair. The nicer you are the more she wants him. You almost have to let them play it out.I would suggest if there is even ONE contact with him going forward, you ask her to leave. Don't you leave - the person who wants the marriage stays.

You need to get some help. Support Group, IC, something RIGHT NOW. How you feel - about yourself and your wife - is not something you can sort out on your own. Find a Pro Marriage professional and start talking. THATS the only way you will heal from this affair and move forward mentally.

Would you want your daughter or son to put up with a person who is doing what your W is? If they were dating someone like that what advice would you give them? If your actions don't match that advice then you need to consider what kind of an example you are.

I know this is hard and I know it ALL seems like the exact opposite of what you should be doing right now. People want what they can't have... does your W see you that way? Your behavior is the only thing you control.


Hang in there. I hope this wasn't TOO harsh. We're all here to help, even if it dosen't seem like it.


Talia