Question

[awest1217]

Ok...ok..ok...last night was a long draining night, but ultimately I believe good things happened. Here is goes.

H came over and was already looking horrible, miserable, and like he had been crying for days. I couldn't find anyone for S so I had him set up upstairs with a movie, toys, food, etc. so we could talk alone downstairs. We sat down at the dining room table and I asked what he wanted, and I got the typical response I don't know. I said ok then what we are going to do is stay separated and head towards divorce. This destroyed H, but he just kept saying I understand or I don't know. I asked him everything I had mentioned before and more of the same so I told him what I wanted to do. He sobbed. Finally he said I don't want to divorce, and I said that then he needs to tell me what he wants to do because I want some type of plan. We talked some more and then H went from complete sadness to madness when I asked him calmly to explain to S why he couldn't see daddy anymore (H had said he didn't know when he would want to see S, but would pay support so I wanted him to be the one to tell S). This made him irrate and he left the house and walked for a while and threatened to do all kinds of stuff to himself because he was a failure and all this other stuff.

He calmed down and we talked some more. We then went out to get something to eat and talked about what had been happening the last few weeks. H cried some, especially when I talked about S being sick. He said if I would have called him, he would have come instantly, but I said he had ignored me for two weeks and I needed to know I would get an answer and help, and I couldn't guarantee that with him so didn't do it. He was very remorseful. After we put S to bed, (all night S kept saying daddy stay here) H and I talked again and he said, I don't want to divorce. He said he has told OW that he wants to be with me and wants to make things work with me. He also said he and OW have been arguing lately and haven't talked much. I then calmly brought up the AIM, and he didn't get mad or anything. He said yeah they talked then, but he said that was it. He said I could check the phone records, which I will next week when I pay the phone bill, and he even left his phone at home last night because he didn't want to call. He suggested he goes to therapy to get help.

Overall when he left, here is the plan he decided on and I agreed to. We are going to stay separated for now and during this time work on getting closer (he said he wants to get back to a place where all he wants to do is be with me). I said we need to hang out more, call, text, communicate, but it would be up to him to initiate these things. He said ok. Then he said he would call and start going to therapy next week so that he can get help with the always having feelings for other women because he does not want to come home and just hurt me again (man that is good to hear). He said he can't change on his own and would work on doing that. I also said he needs to kick OW to the curb, and he says they haven't seen each other since OH and haven't talked much since that time either.

I feel good because he is going to get help and we have direction now, not just saying "I don't know" or just seeing what will happen. I am going to give him this last chance to do what is right. He kept saying how he knows what to do right, and he knows that talking to OW and other girls is bad, but he just can't help himself. If this is true, at least he is willing to go to therapy to get help.

I don't know honestly how long I can keep waiting, but if he is going to really go to therapy and seriously get help, I want to make this work so I will wait. I even decided to put my ring back on to show myself that he did apologize and admit what he did wrong. He didn't try to even get mad at me for anything. He was remorseful, and grateful I am willing to give in another chance. Now to wait.