Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[Awoken]

Now I feel that I've failed my children in a way that I can never make up for no matter how great a mom I am.

I think we all feel like this.

Over the past 17+ years of my M, I remember reading in several parenting books about how important it was to put the M first, ahead of the kids. I've know all along that we were a good parenting team, but needed some work in our M. So it makes my current sitch harder to face. What if I had done more work on my M?!?

During the past three months I've really beaten myself up about this, and then the day that we told our kids that we were going to D, I felt the worse that I've ever felt. However, both my kids are wonderful. They both feel deeply loved. We have succeeded in many other areas. I do worry about what kind of M I have modeled for them. However, I do have the chance to show them how to handle life's challenges with honor and dignity. It's hard, and I hope my sense of failure in my M can serve to drive me to do better now.

[January girl]

What if I had done more work on my M?!?

I have come to realize that I won't ever go down the
"apathy road" again in either my marriage or relationships
with others....it's too scary at the end!!

Also, on another note I find it funny that today I
finally got back into my "skinny" jeans and now they
are out of style!! Not to say I'm skinny-that's not
the case-but these are my pre-kids jeans!! Now THAT, my
friends, is ironic!!

[flowmom]

I have come to realize that I won't ever go down the "apathy road" again in either my marriage or relationships with others....it's too scary at the end!!

Yes, I guess that's my major regret from my M. Not being apathetic, but not pushing hard enough to address the issues when they started to become chronic. I think that what stopped me was feeling defensive, because the issues often presented as H criticising and complaining to me (and vice versa). If I had been truly open to hearing what was going on for H, I would have seen that it wasn't about me being right or wrong, it was about relationship. I can't imagine ever choosing to be in a serious love R again, but it makes me realize that all of my Rs deserve more caretaking.

[January girl]

Well, we are going to do "the talk" with our D9 on Saturday.
H is signing an apartment lease on Friday for 12 months. We
are also going to tell my mom on Saturday. I think I did the
very best I could living with the situation MLC and EA/PA for
6 months. I know in my heart that he HAS to move out for my
sanity but it is very scary with a D9 and an 18 month old. I
am SO sad for my kids that my heart is broken. He is moving
in two weeks.

[January girl]

I can't imagine ever choosing to be in a serious love R again

I totally agree with you about this. It's funny, but I was
always such a romantic and I really believe that part of me
died the night he dropped the bomb.

I read somewhere that someone posted or it was in DB that this is "quite a ride and no one even asked us if we wanted to ride!"

I just wish I could close my eyes and 1.) H would be moved 2.) D9 and mom would know the story 3.) I was past "explaining" to "caring friends/family" what went wrong!!! I have a huge circle of friends thru my daughter's school and church and I'm just dreading it all!!! I know I'm feeling quite sorry for
myself today but once in awhile I think that's ok.

[Awoken]

Well, we are going to do "the talk" with our D9 on Saturday.

I'll be thinking of you on Saturday. I know it's gonna be the hardest thing for you, and I know you can handle it. I wish you could close your eyes and move right by that day too!

On Saturday, be sure to take good care of yourself and D9.

All four of you are in my prayers.

[flowmom]

I know in my heart that he HAS to move out for my sanity but it is very scary with a D9 and an 18 month old. I
am SO sad for my kids that my heart is broken.

My heart goes out to you JG. Telling my kids that H was moving out, and him actually moving out was very, very hard for me. Time to pull out whatever support "big guns" you have access to. Plan to keep things as normal as possible for the kids, and cut way back on your expectations of yourself.

[January girl]

Time to pull out whatever support "big guns" you have access to. Plan to keep things as normal as possible for the kids, and cut way back on your expectations of yourself.

Thank you SO much for the great advice. My SIL said she will be available if my daughter needs her or my neices. She and my brother have been very supportive thru it all. (Also two of my closest friends said the same thing.) It's strange....it's like I can hear this really loud clock ticking in the back of my head....three more days...two more days...one more day!!!

[January girl]

Here's what is REALLY strange (as if anything H does is "normal" anymore) he has not packed a single box. He is supposedly signing the lease tomorrow and moving next weekend-in 8 days and he HASN'T PACKED A SINGLE BOX. He says it's because he doesn't want D9 to notice but there are lots of things she wouldn't even have a clue about. He just seems SO lost. Our dr. said that when a person has been depressed for a long time they don't even remember what it's like to feel happy. I passed this tidbit along to H. When he and I moved into our house 14 years ago we had everything packed weeks in advance. Thoughts??

[January girl]

Should I ask him if he is having second thoughts or
simply ignore the "feet dragging?"