I thought I'd chime in here on what IS possible. My wife and I are both 49. She is perimenopausal. We went through a totally dead sex-life period. I thought she had totally lost interest in sex... UNTIL we made the conscious effort to change that.
Although we don't have the totally amazing sex-life that DQ speaks of. The sex-life that Mrs. Cinco and I now enjoy together is still pretty amazing. We ML 1 or 2 times a week. When we ML it lasts for at least an hour from initiation, through foreplay, climax (for both of us), then snuggling afterwards.
Most importantly Mrs. Cinco enjoys our intimate time together as much as I do. We worked together to get to this point, it didn't happen overnight.
If she hadn't been willing to join me to find a way to make our love work (Make Love, get it?), I would have known that she was no longer the woman for me. I would have left. In fact my readiness to walk was her motivation to find a way back to me.
Remember I spent years trying to separate Love and Sex like you have written about. Love my wife with no sex. Have sex with others without Love. I was leading a double-life. Even if I had had approval from my wife (which I did not), it still would not have been as fulfilling as the complete package that a total relationship (Love + Sex) would have been.
Actually my falling in love with a sex partner reminded me what I truly wanted - one relationship, one lover, true love... with my wife. I didn't know at the time with whom this relationship would be, I just knew how it felt and I wanted this feeling. I woke up and wanted it ALL again.
The point is that without any work, most relationships will end up winding down to that no-sex state you and your friends are in - my marriage was in that state too. Work at this with your wife and you too may get what you are dreaming of.
It is possible to realize your dreams IF you work towards making them come true. Aspire to create a relationship like DQ's as I have. She worked very hard to get there. We can get there too.
