how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

thanks, OTM, i get what you're saying. i'm doing my best to let him be alone and not force my needs on him right now. he wrote me earlier this week saying he hasn't slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night for several weeks and he starts a new job on monday (a senior level position to boot) and he felt that his own apartment would allow him the space to get some rest and be able to focus on this new job.

i know i can't control what is going to happen but that still doesn't stop me from wanting to control it. i KNOW he has legal separation papers drawn up and i KNOW he is going to move his things out this weekend. i keep going from closet to closet to his dresser drawers, just looking at all his things in them, because i know they won't be there much longer. sad? pathetic?

i guess it's just that in my mind, this is SUCH a resolvable issue. i truly do understand how he could feel like it's not but i also feel like he's just convinced himself of that because he feels like he's failed. i am going to do my best to be the spouse i want to be for him when i see him tomorrow. i'm actually just excited to see him, it was saturday when i saw him last and i just miss him so much still, i know it will take a lot to control myself from reaching out to touch him every 5 seconds.

we're having sushi. i always get a crunchy albacore roll. no avacado. and edamame. yum.