Well, nothing new in regards to the situation itself. He is still not smoking, so that's good. Right now I am on a hardcore eating protocol which means I am not serving wine with dinner,so he isn't drinking around me either. (ie, he said he is curbing the drinking and quitting smoking to get his head clear.)
New for me- I have lost a total of 29.8 pounds since Nov 3- only 45 of those days being on the very low calorie portion of the diet. I have started doing french manicures on my nails and wearing jewelry more often. (Ironic that I don't since I make jewelry. LOL) I am starting to feel much better about myself physically and when I am done, if my H is too dumb to commit, at least I am ready for the dating market. I should be done by end of Feb.
The other night I tried an experiment. I had re-read "Give him back his balls" and changed my language a bit to be more in my feelings. I tried to stay out of my head and just 'be' and really experience what I was feeling at the moment. It had been a good day, so I was pretty chipper. The wording I used would have feeling messages. "I feel _blank_. _elaborate_" I swear, this made H put his chin in his hands and just watch me, entranced. (The theory behind the book is that women have taken the lead too much in relationships and then the men start to treat us like a fellow man instead of cherish us for the wonderful woman we are.)
BUT- that really doesn't matter. And why I read a book on finding my femininity again is almost beyond me. .. the other night we went to a movie and on the way there I mentioned my friend who is shooting herself in the foot. He asks "how so?" I say "because she really loves her x. Can't believe that she isn't dating anyone {ie, she can't move on}. Her X is making all sorts of indications that he wants to reconcile, but she is too afraid to take the chance." He looks at me and says "huh. I wonder who that sounds like?"(meaning him, of course.) Laughing, I agreed and said "she knows she loves him; she knows she wants to be with him; she needs to just take the chance before her whole life passes her by."
Watching Tough Love on Sunday, I noticed that in a VERY short amount of time, the guys and gals were talking about being together in the future. But here I am, living apart from my HUSBAND for 2.5 *years* and I don't even know if I could plan for Valentine's day. Ridiculous!
On some days, I feel good and confident and like no matter what, I will be better. On other days, I feel like cold, dark, slimy hands are reaching up from the pit of despair and taking my ankles as they try to pull me in.
I know people in my life a frustrated with me. I am frustrated with me. UGH UGH UGH
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
(The theory behind the book is that women have taken the lead too much in relationships and then the men start to treat us like a fellow man instead of cherish us for the wonderful woman we are.)
Here we have stumbled upon one for the ages. As you can surely tell I am in lock step with this view. Some one stole my theory and put their name on it huh? LOL
Shout it from the roof tops. It is extremely valid in my opinion. And since I live alone, mine is the only one that counts Ha ha.
Hmmmm...so the whole I am woman hear me roar thing just doesn't work for you eh?
Yeah, me either...but ssssshhhhh I wouldn't want anyone thinking I was a bit old fashioned....
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
At the end of the day, what girl doesn't appreciate a gentleman? Sometimes, we forget that guys need to feel needed. And that's okay. It's possible to find balance, if you try. Peace.
Trixi.......I understand your feelings.. On some days, I feel good and confident and like no matter what, I will be better. On other days, I feel like cold, dark, slimy hands are reaching up from the pit of despair and taking my ankles as they try to pull me in.
I think this is normal...to have good days, bad days. My hope for myself is that I have more good than bad I've come full circle in the last 2.5 years.
By the way.......WAY TO GO on the weight loss! How did you do it? Besides stress
@Tomato- thanks for chiming in @Lola- I won't tell anyone that you're <whispering> old fashioned. @Goldeylox- yes, to balance. One of the things I didn't elaborate on in my other post is that it's great (and even sexy if it's not too much) if we have some 'balls' out in the business world, etc. @nikblondiew- I am doing the hcg diet.
Really good stuff. (I didn't post any of the articles because she is very clear that taking her whole blog post and then posting it elsewhere isn't cool.)
Heh- and this is where I excel. I post and repost (in other forums I visit) all sorts of really helpful information. My problem is that I have the worst time actually being strong enough to DO what I KNOW I SHOULD. Thinking to myself "Well, *my* situation is different and special." Pfft!
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Trixi, I agree, when it comes to business, I have to whip out the can of smarts and spray 'em with it, else they mistake me for a dumb blonde. Although I've used that to my advantage as well...
Hmmmm...so the whole I am woman hear me roar thing just doesn't work for you eh?
Yeah, me either...but ssssshhhhh I wouldn't want anyone thinking I was a bit old fashioned....
you women can do what you want, And you always do. If you wanna roar here and there then fine and dandy. However, if your roar happens to drown out that what the Lord is trying to say then your roar is most detrimental. That's for sure.
I've come full circle in the last 2.5 years. 