MY H LEFT A NOTE IN MY CAR'S WINDSHIELD WITH A PIERCED HEART AND OUR DATE OF MARRIAGE!!
A bit of background: this morning the world kind-of-suddenly-fell on me and I woke up with a horrible sense of desperation at 2 am. I came to the BB and surfed a little then went back to bed and could not stop crying.
I tried hard to be silent but H heard and asked what was wrong (I NEVER CRY). All the sorry mess came spilling out. I told him I appreciated how hard he was trying but I just could not get over OW being there, and how hurt I was, and how I resented even his work because I felt he was doing it to pay her salary and her car... I explained how I hated myself for being always on the watch, always vigilant, always scared... I think I broke ever DB'ng rule ever invented.
I was actually pathetic: I asked him to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be right even if it was not true. He did and asked 'why should it not be true?' It helped.
Then he told me that he understood and that he saw my point and that it was his fault but he had to do it by himself and his own way or we would end up in the same communication mess that got us into this problem. That he would see me as controlling as before and things would go backwards again. I agreed.
He even offered to leave the house while my brother and sister are here next week and come to see me at night only, so that I would not have to tell them (my family does not know we are back together). And 'that way, maybe one day I'll be able to pick up the phone in my own house again' (he had not for years because OW could be the one calling and now he cannot because it could be my parents -though I had not told him so he was doing it so that they would not know).
A bit more calmed I told him that he did not have to wear the ring if he did not want to, that it was only a suggestion and he told me that he does want to. That actually HE IS WEARING THE RING AT WORK. He offered to pick up mine tomorrow together and we can both wear them.
By then it was about 5 am and he fixed me breakfast! But I fell asleep. He woke me up to say goodbye before he left for work and then called me an hour later to see where I was. He must have left me the note then, before he went to his office. I saw it when I went to my car after work.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
He woke me up to say goodbye before he left for work and then called me an hour later to see where I was. He must have left me the note then, before he went to his office. I saw it when I went to my car after work. 
