When my W and I separated, I was sleeping in the master bedroom (her insistence) with the bathroom attached. Needless to say, I was up there alone a lot. It gave me time to clear up my thinking, do some reading, and really de-stress from the previous years/months of fighting. During that time, I tried to remember who I wanted to have ‘grown up to be’ and where I went off that path.
I also got myself into some trouble by imagining my life remarried.
While your H being alone can open doors, it also can shut some, too. When making decisions, someone with ADHD needs a calm, non-judgemental place to do that in his/her head. When you are separated, I don’t know how you can share a bed. Isn’t the couch just an insult to sleeping together – almost more stress, not less. There have been days I’ve slept there to get some reflective time, but every day for a few weeks…not likely going to be very good.
Isn’t he making a clear statement – he really doesn’t feel that things are solvable right away, if at all.
Be yourself, the spouse you want to be for him. Be open, honest, and even here you might want to not get into the habit of letting that optimism become crushed. Doesn’t putting it on paper sometimes make it seem more permanent? With a lunch tomorrow, you seem stressed and nervous. Let it go. The solution you want might not come today, it may get worse, first. What’s that phrase, “the calm before the storm”… it is after a storm new seeds and old ones both grow and take new roots. And yes, some die, too. Why worry about things that aren’t in your control? Enjoy the moment and plan for tomorrow.
