Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Now this I just have to share - has NOTHING to do with my sitch, but what are the odds.

Today I receive an e-mail from a H who's wife is having an A and he wants her and OM to get in trouble. The last line of his e-mail to me is: Put yourself in my shoes and think about how you would feel if he was doing this to you by having a relationship with your wife

If he only knew...
This could be a first for someone here.

[courageous wife]

GW- I am finding that an AMAZING number of people are going through the same things that we are! It is almost like it is the "norm". Am curious as to how you replied to that email?

[gutwrenching]

And as predicted, she said no to the hotel. Just doesn't want too. I sold it a little and then quit, she wasn't listening, and I was already in a pissy mood and didn't want to make it worse.
Having a hard time with the PMA tonight. Had a long/tough day, come home, deal with a kid still faking sick, get dinner started, get text from W saying she's on her way, 40 minutes later get another text saying she was really leaving this time.
W got home and I let her know that I had held dinner up and told the kids she would be home for dinner. That pissed her off, but oh well, that is respect in my book.

Youngest daughter testing my patience all night, let the W know that she is in one of those moods, W says she'll take care of the daughter rest of the night...but doesn't. I decide I really got to try to turn on the happy face and do good for a while. We nicely exchange stories from the day and how our days went. W quickly realizes that mine was pretty packed and busy and says to me that I should have called her and she could have come home to take care of the girls. I was honest. I said I don't even think about that these days and everything I had left to do could wait another day. I wanted to ensure she knows I can handle everything with or without her and don't need her to bail me out just cause I had a rough day (as nice as that would have been, I don't need it). It didn't appear she liked that answer, but in my mind, then maybe next time she can actually check and see how things are and offer to help, or actually think about spending more time with the kids. Again, the whole attitude was just annoying.

I found myself sitting there in my mind saying why in the world would I want to put up with this and then I see my girls and I remind myself that I am going to give 100% for them and if I hit 100% and still can't get things to work out, then I can look myself and them in the mirror and know I gave it my all.

I know I am a little off tonight and it must be showing. Twice she asked me what is wrong, twice I smiled and said nothing and then tried really hard to put on the game face.

Later she asks me what I am going to do tonight. I asked why she wanted to know...she wanted to know if she should work in the basement or the bedroom...I wasn't falling for that. I think she was trying to be nice but I need to drive home the point that I'm not planning my activities around her and where she decides to hole up at night. I did that for a while. I'm past that now; I really could care less. She chose the bedroom. I made sure to go in there after a little bit just to show it is still my house too; actually have gone in there twice.

But like I posted earlier, going with what works. Staying in the house and staying busy doing my own thing and will see how that works tonight. So far, she seems to be very friendly and peaceful...will continue to monitor.

[gutwrenching]

GW- I am finding that an AMAZING number of people are going through the same things that we are! It is almost like it is the "norm". Am curious as to how you replied to that email?

I have not replied and might not ever reply. Their personal life is really none of my business as long as it doesn't impact the job and I have no obligation to answer a LBS who is just pissed at the world. I'm going to sleep on it and look at it again tomorrow

[Lost Rabbit]

Ok so you expected a "no" on the hotel thats to be expected, just take it as "your loss hun" and move on.

Kids we love them to bits but they have an alarm that works so well that enables them to play up when we can least deal with it the little treasures.

Dunno if its just me but W seems to be coming out of her fog, ok so she is not seeing things in time to make things easier for you but she is seeing somethings eventually and better late than never I say! Yep your right she should be checking in with you to see if you need help, but remember she has got used to not doign that with you as much as you have with her! Me and H often forget to txt each other just have fog/gal moments unintentionally.

For some reason its seems to have been a long week for a of us, Im ready for it to be Saturday already so hang in there and keep thinking about enjoying saturday night! Im sure you scrub up dead sexy in your uniform (having naughty an officer and a gentleman thoughts over here) I bet even though she wont show it she will be thinking mmmmm Im I going down the wrong path again thoughts, she is rattling her brain cells but she doesnt know what to do about it yet!

Chin up mate your doing well!

[gutwrenching]

Lost my good friend, I guess I can always count on you for a positive spin when I need one. Cause I woke up this morning with the foul mood of yesterday still lingering and I don't know why (not normal for me). Looking back, I blew it once already this morning and didn't realize it, got to snap out of this. W asked if I was leaving first this morining but I wasn't ready yet so I told her too...looking back I should have said yes just to be receptive to her giving me the option.

I never thought about the fact that she has gotten as used to not checking in with me as I have not checking in with her. Darn you for pointing out the obvious. But on the other hand, if she was able to leave at 5:30 then why in the world did she not leave till 7 after saying she was on her way out at 6:15.

So am I wrong in my thinking of not contacting her about these types of things in the future. Do I use this to open up the communication a little and start initiating a phone call each evening to see who is going to leave? Or do I continue on with the pattern/routine that I've gotten myself into where I don't rely on her for really anything when it comes to the kids these days?

Chin up, your right, got to snap out of this.

I stayed in the house last night instead of wandering out and although not as positive vibes as Monday night, better than Tuesday night. Will continue to try this approach

[Lost Rabbit]

Well hopefully by now you will have retained your calm, sensible head again. We all do the lose it bit, tonight I nearly lost it just because I couldnt find some space in the freezer for some peas! Although it was nice to be jollied out of it by H this evening with his comment of calm down its only peas!

W getting home late come on give her a break I bet she either got nattering or the other which we all do as well is start something we think is gonna take ten minutes then realise forty minutes later we are still in the office.

Just a thought is it worth going through your thread and seeing if theres a theme that kicks off the Ive had enough moment, mine is usually I have to say tiredness find it very hard to carry on DB'ing when tired..

Anyway my dinner is calling and Im starving!

[gutwrenching]

Lost - thanks again. I don't know what kicks off the I've had enough moments...I will look to see if I can figure that out, great point. I do know tiredness has always been a contributing factor and I am tired, but I've been worse. I also suspect that i will find it is her non-participation/interaction with the kids, but I need to see if that is really a cause or not.

Thanks for the kick in the tail in the lateness. I need to work on that. It started with me knowing she was late in the past because she was talking with OM. At this point, I don't think that is the case, but I don't know, but the thought doesn't cross my mind. So why I am still so hung up on it, I don't know. I guess it is that every day she tells me she is going to come home on-time and I never believe her (but keep that to myself) but for some reason want to believe her...guess I think it will be a sign of her snapping out of the fog. This one is silly.

I need to give her credit and find a way to re-inforce or recognize or thank her for her sticking to her word of going to bed earlier. That is at least something.

[gutwrenching]

I just about jumped out of my skin. An envelope waiting for me on my desk addressed from an attorney at law. Turns out it a petition for dissolution of a marraige of soemone who works for me and the lawyer wants me to serve it to him.

Heart rate was quite accelerated for a minute there...

[Lost Rabbit]

Crikey that was a close call no wonder you were shaken for a brief second. Grab a nice cuppa and breathe!