Thanks for the comments and encouragement everyone. Kalni, thanks for your post from Passionate Marriage. I am going to look into that book too. I know that self soothing is something I need to work on.
I am realizing that before the A was busted and H re-commited, I had gotten to a place of some healthy detachment,...I had to to survive that sitch. Now, I can see I have started to slide back towards too much dependency again, especially feeling responsible for his feelings, etc.
So, today... I did what I would have done when actively DBing. I did not call or text H at all and let him do the initiating. He did. I only responded, didn't initiate. I responded in a friendly, upbeat way but didn't pursue. I struggled with anxiety, though. I worked on self soothing. It is coming...
