Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks Dane for your prayers - I really do need them!
Everyone else - thank you for stopping by and giving hugs and letting me know you're thinking of me - that means alot.
My internet and phone is still down so can you believe I had to come to a starbucks to get on the damn net?
Let me update a little...
Tuesday H was very distant and quiet (remember my friend came in that day) so it was unsual that he wasn't more upbeat or social because she was there.
Wed night he came home a little late - I called he didn't answer - my D called he didn't answer that - my younger S called - he finally answered and S says, "dad why the heck don't you answer your phone?" anyway...he came home shortly after that. Everyone was visuably upset he was later than usual - we all knew he was leaving in the morn and he was gonna make us sushi for dinner. I had everything ready and he just had to put it together so we had been waiting for a while.
Well he made the sushi and asked for a glass of wine so I poured some. We talked a little bit of this and that. He wanted me and the kids to go in the room with him while he packed. We all laid on the bed while he did.
I can't remember now but he said something that pushed my buttons and the duck suit came off. I went to the laundry room and he followed me. He said, "what's wrong" I said, "you are up to no good and I feel it in my bones" I said this in a frustrated tone. He said, "I swear on my children's lives I'm not doing anything." I said, "I can't believe you said that - don't ever swear on our kids."
My gut tells me he is and I felt like I was socked in the stomach that he would go to that length to swear on the kids - I didn't know who I was looking at - I felt so awful thinking...would he go to that length?
He has called me once a day so far - very matter fact and in the afternoon (not from his hotel room like usual) I keep the call short and his tone seems so cold. He is getting more distant by the week. This job has been a nightmare. He is gone way too much. Our family is suffering and my kids are feeling it too.
My best friend's and sons birthday was yesterday and I had this empty feeling inside with him not being around. My S (bday boy) said something at the lunch table that made me feel really sad inside all day. It was hard to hide it. We had such a nice time last night too (girls came over and we had a slumber party) it was really fun but there in the back of my head...my H is gone....almost not part of our lives anymore.
So....I'm just trying to detach really...it seems he is very comfortable being away from home without any reservation whatsoever. It is just a sad thing.
I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's just how I'm feeling.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Wed night he came home a little late - I called he didn't answer
quit calling. remember, stop chasing. if the kids call, then so be it, but don't ask them to.
his trips, of course he is not comfortable, but this is his "easy way out" to try to work out his feelings. He's probably also using this time to see if he really loves you or not.
Of course, love is not a feeling, but WAS's do NOT get this. they are living on feelings, so you have to use your actions to show him WHY he should want to stay home.
this is what G has been telling you.
that's why you stop chasing him, be a duck's back, GAL, and start living your life for YOU, not for HIM. Start having fun!
your next goal is to act like you just had a great day when he calls you next, not in a vengeful, "haha I'm having fun and your not", type of way, but a genuine, "wow this is such a great day! the weather is great! the kids have been great! I hope your having a great time too, the kids are excited to see you when you get back! okay, gotta go! see ya soon!" kind of way.
you are wanting to LEAD him back to the home, and picking out his faults, or being upset by his actions, or being depressed will NOT lead him back, and will PUSH him further away.
this is where you have to fake it till you make it.
So what fun thing are you doing this week???
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
fyi, we are only wanting to help you succeed in restoring your M, and restoring yourself, and it can happen. I cannot guarantee it, and you must do the work, but if you do the work, you WILL restore yourself, and you have a GREAT chance to restore your M.
If you don't do the work...your going to have WAY more disappointments than these. it will be much worse, I'm sorry. THAT, I can almost guarantee.
so please, keep your chin up, and focus. make yourself have FUN THIS WEEK!!! take the kids somewhere fun. is money an obstacle for you? if it isn't, then find some cool places to go with the kids or go get a massage, or manicure.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I must say ST - H is getting colder and distant by the week. This trip he has called a couple times but it's quick (I usually end the call) and very matter of fact.
I feel the need to completely disconnect myself from him. I feel this thing is coming to a close...I just do.
I don't even know if I want this anymore. The way he is right now..and could I forgive him for how he's treated me these last 2 months?
I know damn well I'm supposed to fake it but do I wanna make it with him? I dunno anymore.
I guess I'm just venting but I'm getting pissed.
Keep praying for me guys.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
obviously you don't want "this". and "this" is not the new H, "this" is a symptom of what he's been going thru, how he's reacted to the problems in the M for the last however many years.
He is thinking the same thing I know.
this is why going thru this experience was the most humbling experience I have ever been thru in my life, and also the most heart wreching, hell on earth, experience I have ever had.
Was it worth it? heck yes it was. and that's why I pray that you can also can find the strength and courage to go thru it too.
If going dark is what you are wanting, there are different levels of that. Mindful is doing that right now. and if you feel you can't fake it around him all the time, then maybe going dark can be an option for you. But you must, IMHO, not start ignoring h. You just have to be busy, busy and having fun and being happy working on your life. DBing is not just to save your M, it is to save you, so start with that.
Give yourself a time frame to focus on whatever it is you are wanting to work on, and then when that time comes, look at the sitch then and decide how you think things are going.
what else will you do? kick him out? file for D?
what are your choices if you don't want to DB and fake it? I'm asking hypothetically, and seeing what it is you are looking at doing.
don't worry about whether or not you can forgive him, if you can't forgive him for what he's done now, you can deal with that later. however, forgiving will help with your bitterness, and bitterness is going to bite you if you keep holding on to it.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
also, give an example of how a call has gone. because last time he never called, so IMHO, even if he does sound distant, this time is better than last.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
H - I'm just calling...getting ready to go eat W - ok I'll talk to you later then
usually called from room every morning and at night - I don't even get a how are u - hey I know that's asking too much - I feel like an a** putting up with this
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
