Hi guys, So I emailed H back in response to getting together next week and said mid-wk would work. Kept it simple and upbeat. I am beating myself up a bit though...he asked me 'anything urgent i want to talk about?' and i feel like it would have been good to say "nothing urgent, just thought it would be nice to have dinner before i move" so that he really knew I was moving on. I feel like I missed an opportunity...it's so hard to know how to be, can upbeat and positive seem like you are trying to win them back? argh. i feel like i'm reading into every action i take and it's driving me crazy. i just want to be myself.
This lawyer stuff is weighing heaving on me too and i feel like i'm losing sleep over. i can go for a consultation next week, nothing to lose in doing so. however i have a lot more to lose than H does, so if he wants to walk away without anything from me asset-wise, some people see that as a gain and do that, don't let it get ugly. if i go to L and try to fight for something, H could very well counter that and take me to the cleaners. So the risk is pretty big i think. But i guess a L could reasonably tell me that, and guide me through the process. We can also get a D for $175 and be done w it. It's a way of my trying to reclaim some control over this situation, but maybe I should just let that 'control' go and focus my energies elsewhere...again, if he is not trying to come at me for anything financial-wise... perhaps it's more the bitterness of my life being in a very different place than I thought it would be, and not have a partner anymore. the emotional from the practical...trying to separate the two... and i feel myself obsessing about this stuff which is not healthy, and need to focus energies on moving on...
