If you really, really think about it, just b/c the marriage seems horrible now does not predict that it will be that way in the future. You can not assume that a D would lead to any greater happiness either but just more complications.
Thanks for the detailed response and thoughts. My sitch is that it's always been bad/borderline OK with moments of happiness. Yesterday, W was trying to do a job application and kept skipping steps like reading important directions. I have such a hard time supporting an respecting her in many places and ways.
I did the one sided effort and turned her around quite a bit - enough that I'm sure I could get by. But I can't make her 'think' in ways I can support and respect. I can't give her the same outlook on the world, or in religion. I think in 20 years, I'd either be very distant, very divorced, or very happy. 1/3 just seems like such an unlikely hope.
I wish I was just trying to get her to change her mind and that I felt more for her.
How can I validate her feeligs and let her continue when I have problems understanding her? I have been trying to wait better to hear her out, but whatever I say that is a complaint, she feels is a pure attack.
Originally Posted By: june72
Do randoms acts of love- hugs, kisses, sweet words, walk into your home with a smile on her face, bring her some of her favorite candies b/c you "thought if would make her happy". Make efforts to show that you enjoy time with her.
When we first reconciled in Jan, I did this and it helped a lot with the fighting. That is where my thread started - I have such a problem connecting with her ideas. For 11 years I've been hoping we'd grow together, but it hasn't happened...not yet, at least.
