On the other you are fed up and looking forward to moving on.
On top of both of those, you seem WAY willing to engage your wife sexually, even in the midst of the mess, making me wonder if there are in fact some issues between the two of you in that area.
Your wife definitely seems to have some diagnosable scars/issues related to the sexual arena. I find it hard to believe that she never engaged in any PA, especially when she so easily bounces from despising you to being intimate with you.
I'm not sure how you have a future together any different from the established 15 years without her willingness to get some REAL psychiatric help. And I'm not talking church counselor here.
As for you, I will echo Jack's comments. You will find that those who take up residence in MLC here have accepted that their spouse is pretty far out there, that it's going to be a really long journey back (if they ever make it back), and therefore most take quickly to taking advantage of their absence to do some serious introspection and work on becoming better people.
It sounds trite, but it's definitely not.
You may be some catch. You may have already made improvements. But I'm guessing that there is still work to be done.
If you plan to see this through, you're going to need an attitude SERIOUSLY different from the one you have now. Here in MLC land you learn quickly that WANTING something to be so definitely does NOT make it happen.
Patience.
Strength.
Empathy.
Boundaries.
Self work.
We hang our hats on these things.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
