First and foremost if you want to work it out, there will be extra pressure and pride issues the more people know! Every one has an opinion! This alone is reason enough to limit it to who deserves to know!
Which are the four people directly involved/affected IMO!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Last night I did tell my H not to contact me for awhile, unless it had something to do with the kids or bills. H just texted me:
H: We need 2 talk tonight. It's important Me: About What H:I will tell u when I come over
I haven't replied to this one yet, and not sure if I should or what I should say. My first instinct is to reply with "If it's not about the kids or bills, I don't want to talk right now". Help, what should I do?
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Dont' warn him or anything just go out. You need to show him you won't put up with smoke screens or vague text messages... He needs to start telling the truth and being specific. Show him you wont put up with obscure communication.
He's tryign to keep you on the defensive by being value... Just go out to show him you won't put up with it.
You told him you didn't want to be contacted so show him you won't accept him challenging your terms.
If you just stay quiet and don't communicate about anything to him he's going to be a lot more nervous... He doesn't know what you want to do or are about to do yet... Show him you won't be manipulated any longer.
You can talk to him in a few days after you have had a chance to put him a bit on the defensive... He's likley trying to diffuse things... He may be a bit scared..
Consequences are coming up over the hill and he may be seeing a few of them now... Don't let him control you... just go out.
If you told him you want a few days of peace and quiet then TAKE it... if he won't give it to you then go out.. stay at a hotel... hire a sitter and just dissappear for a couple days...
If you are there when he arrives you are telling him that he can just do what he wants and you will tolerate it... he's testing you.
You told him to contact and he's testing you.
Show him you won't accept his games or manipulation. He's beeing manipulating you with lies for months... Now he's trying to do it by being obscure.. don't allow it or you are showing weakness and he will use that against you.
1. Who you have told 2. How much you know 3. What your plans are
TELL HIM NOTHING.. the more nervous he is, the better because reality is going to hit a lot HARDER then
KEEP HIM ON THE DEFENSIVE so he is more frightened. This will help speed up diffusing the affair.
if you let him lead you around like a puppy he's going to remain in fantasy land and think he's still got you by the lead.
Show him you aren't going to be messed with any longer... NO COMPROMISING OR NEGOTIATING for at LEAST one week so you can calm down a bit... he wants to get at you while you are still shaken up.
1. Who you have told 2. How much you know 3. What your plans are
This was my first thought too. I just told him no, not tonight. I just got this reply "It is about both (meaning kids & bills) and I don't care what u want. Everything isn't about u. It is very important we get the bills figured out"
I think my only option now, is to not be home.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Should I respond to the above with "Not tonight we can talk next week", or not respond at all? I'm just so mad that I would have to leave my house just to avoid him. I had plans at home tonight.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I vote that you not be around when he comes over. I think you need to see a lawyer first before you talk to him about kids or bills. And you can tell him that. I detect a nasty tone in his voice because he's now trying to threaten you into submission. It's clear he's nervous and the best defence is offence, right?
My husband does the same. It's a smokescreen. Don't waffle.
Don't respond at all... show him he can't just tell you what to do.. if he is worried about finances then he should have thought of that earlier before he started an affair.
Ya, just go out... he's not going to even try to arrange a convenient time he's just demanding you be there... I would set him straight immediately by just not being there.
He's been evasive and hiding an affair for how long?
I say show him you can be evasive too... give yourself some time...
He has a lot of nerve calling YOU selfish lol That's shocking!
This is a test, show him you aren't there at his beck and call. Go OUT, don't even reply... get out and don't come back until very late... and don't tell him where you went when he asks.. and he WILL ask.
Put HIM in the dark for a while... this will help wake him up.
Don't offer anything... Let the bills go and watch him sweat... reality time is here for him now. Let HIM deal with the reality of bills while you go out and have some fun.
It's time to turn the tables until YOU feel like a discussion.
