Well, I guess I may be able to prepare for the worst. However, I think it's safe to say that how he reacts to even the smallest thing is not even close to predictable.
Last night H called to tell me that D13 was hit in the eye with a bat at softball practice. It was bleeding slightly, very swollen and dented in the corner. Our pediatrician has a daughter that plays, so she was there and recommended an E.R. visit to be checked for fractured orbit. H took her. Everything is o.k. For a very short time conversation (real conversation on the phone) was normal, easy and unguarded. Pity, it took a softball bat to the eye.............
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Actually it was my daughter................and no, I wouldn't say he was especially nice to me. We had a conversation. Nothing has changed since yesterday. Nothing has changed in 2 years.
Today I'm questioning the sanity of my continuing to put off the inevitable. Will being uncooperative make him change his mind? I don't believe that it will. Drew was right. It will piss him off. What will that accomplish?
I don't want a divorce, but it seems like it doesn't matter what I want. I don't think it's mattered in a long time.
An exerpt from a recent e-mail:
I know about the vows. I've broken them and don't want to fix it. You say that love is unconditional, but I've lost that and don't want to find it. I'm very, very sorry that I disagree with you so strongly. My "don't know how to act" is the difficulty I have in doing what I want rather than do "what's right." I know your position is "right," but I just don't want it. It's not a comfortable feeling because under yours and everybody else's definition it's wrong. But it's not wrong in my mind.
Will dragging my feet, or being uncooperative be good for ME? my kids?? Has anyone been in this position and had things turn around and restore their marriage?
My kids come first. Always.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I think it would be a good thing to have communication with him go through your lawyer. But that doesn't mean your lawyer has to work with him! If dragging things out is your objective (in the hopes that the aliens will return him), that might work great. He talks to your lawyer, your lawyer nods his head, and sits on his hands.
You can choose to drag things out or you can choose to let your H set the pace while you let him know you are doing as he wishes even if it isn't what you want. If it were me, I would let him set the pace because I would want minimize his anger toward me. Don't get me wrong, you need to protect yourself and get what is rightfully due to you. That may make him angry but eventually he may understand that you just did what you had to do for you and your kids.
Your H is running and making the M the reason why. IMHO, if you give him what he wants, he will have to look for new sources of his continuing unhappiness...he will either figure it out or he won't but you have no control over that. I just think the more resistance you give your H, the more blame he will place on you.
