My H is a soldier. We are both 24 and have 3 DS's - ages 4, 2 1/2, and 1 1/2.
In 2006 I had an EA/PA with another soldier. My H fought to keep me, and things seemed to be getting better.
He has been deployed twice in the last three years and also just spent 6 months in a school in GA. While in GA he met a woman from VA and began a PA (most likely EA too) with her in late August or early September.
When he got to NE where I was staying with my parents at the end of November I confronted him about his distant behavior and he admitted the A. At that point he said he intends to D me (though never specified when).
We moved to AZ - his new duty base - about three weeks ago. OW is still in VA and he is in contact with her every day. We live together but may as well be perfect strangers.
I have sufficient evidence to prove the A, but am trying to hold off going to his chain of command as a last resort. I am a SAHM and dependent upon his income.
I think those are the key points in a nutshell.
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So I still seem to be on the most hateful of roller coasters - good day/bad day, good morning/bad evening, etc. I feel like this is my own bad karma I have to work through before I can move toward a brighter future.
Some days I am very optimistic that I can save my marriage and make it stronger than it ever was before. And then other days I feel like I lost this battle three years ago.
My H said as much when he dropped the bomb (though I was expecting it anyway). He told me he doesn't love me and hasn't for some time now. He says he kept me around to take care of the kids, and that he only fought to keep me after my A so the ex OM couldn't have me.
I know to believe none of what he says, but it still hurts. And today is a low day. He said something that worries me. As he got ready to leave for work I mentioned that I would be filing our income tax return in the next couple days. He got very serious and said, "We need to discuss how we intend to spend that money." I am overreacting and very much jumping the gun. He has said nothing about a D in almost two months. But my mind immediately took the worst path possible.
Also, I went on my military account this afternoon trying to look him up and get his call roster. I need information on his chain of command because he is going to school again for a month in TX. He leaves Sunday and I have no contact numbers. This concerns me greatly. His chain of command is my best way to protect myself should he start involving lawyers. If I expose his A to his commanders they are required to take disciplinary action. Again, I feel like this is cutting off my nose to spite my face. But I need the info in case it becomes necessary. As long as he keeps me out of the loop and pretty effectively trapped at home with my children (not easy to job hunt with toddlers in tow) he can isolate me from resources I could use to defend myself.
I am working on being calm so I can present that face to him when he gets home. I will smile when he walks in the door and act as though nothing is wrong. And maybe nothing is.
He is provoking me again! And even though I am shaking on the inside, he is not going to be allowed to see it.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
