I guess when they are BLAMING one tactic is to just validate their feelings....agreeing that we know that is how they feel....doesn't mean we agree that they are right, LOL...just that that's how they feel....for example, My H blamed me for not being committed to family when he was at work (as I was going out to bars) I felt that he was not committed to family when he was home...so was feeling lonely all the time...However, when he blamed me...I said something like, "I understand that you felt betrayed and didn't feel like I was committed to our marriage. I am sorry you felt that way. I am committed to our marriage and want you to feel more secure in our relationship. I know that I can't just tell you that, I have to prove it to you. Actions speak louder than words and so I am doing my best to show you how much I want our marriage to be a success." Then, I let it drop. It was VERY hard not to respond by telling him how many times I had reached out to him and he had snubbed me...or start listing all the things he did that p***ed me off! But, that would have made things worse, not better....
No one said this stuff was easy! However, it's soo worth it. Becoming a bigger, better person...taking responsibility for one's own actions and letting go of those desires to control one's partner....getting spouse back through attraction.... all seem like simple concepts, but we know how hard they are to put into practice with emotions raging on inside of us...I mean even simple things like your H being sick and probably crabby because of that....can be so upsetting to us if we are not in the right frame of mind...
Optimist, the great thing about you though is that you ARE an Optimist and you have a great PMA and you know that no matter what YOU are going to be ok! You keep going, girl!
However, it's soo worth it. Becoming a bigger, better person...taking responsibility for one's own actions and letting go of those desires to control one's partner....getting spouse back through attraction....
