FIB, no matter what we all say when we first come here, the truth is, those of us who do get a chance to reconcile, face a very hard reality: when we wished for our WASs back, we wished for the ones we loved, for the people we shared an intimate, monogamous R with. And just as they -watch what you are wishing for- if/when they do come back, we get a newer version, one that has all the faults, the weaknesses, the fears, that have surfaced and brought to light. No make up anymore. It is all out there. No matter how hard we try or at least I am try, the facts are there staring at me.
He is not my beloved, wonderful husband in the sense he was before, he is a man that has hurt me deeply and I have to overcome all sorts of obstacles to let him in again. In one hand, I dont want to, because I am worried/scared he will abuse my heart again, on the other heart, now more of all times, I want that kind of relationship that is solid, strong and intimate, characteristics that cant be "achieved" unless I risk, put myself out there.
And it would be for me, the first time I would risk with him, because now I know, what he is capable of, I have seen him at his worst, I cant plead ignorance anymore and I have to remember him at his best.
His role is big, mine is much much bigger. Not fair but true. K
