Bet you looked fabulous, all dressed up! Hope you figured a way to let H see you looking like that!
As for tinkering, I think for me the main thing has been to keep the tinkering to myself! I have to remember not to try to fix everyone around me, but just to work on me. There are days when I REALLY want to point out to H all that he is doing WRONG and what he should do to FIX it....but I bite my tongue MOST of the time... I do slip up here and there, but am getting better. What I do now is try to figure out what it is about H's behaviour that is bothering me....what inside me is disturbed? Then, I work on that. For example, if he doesn't spend enough time with me...in my humble opinion that is....instead of getting mad at him, I try to figure out why I need him to spend more time with me. Maybe I am bored....so then I go do something....maybe I am feeling insecure...so then I work on my self esteem by doing something good for myself...maybe I am jealous if he is watching non-stop sports, then I can try to watch sports with him, and get involved in his passion, or I can make plans to go see a friend or hit an AA meeting or go to church or bible study...when his sporting events are on television...so that my time is filled.
NOW, when he is BLAMING me for things, I have to step back and refuse to take that personally. I don't have to keep talking to him, if he is being rude...I can calmly disengage from the conversation and let him know that we can talk later when he is able to discuss things more rationally...or more diplomatically. Sometimes, I don't even put that on him....I just say that I am not able to have this discussion with him at this time...and then I get off phone or walk away from him...but do so calmly...not angrily stomping off or slamming down phone....
Don't know if any of that helped or if I am just babbling...
Anyway, like I said originally, bet you looked absolutely fabulous all dressed up!
