obviously you don't want "this". and "this" is not the new H, "this" is a symptom of what he's been going thru, how he's reacted to the problems in the M for the last however many years.
He is thinking the same thing I know.
this is why going thru this experience was the most humbling experience I have ever been thru in my life, and also the most heart wreching, hell on earth, experience I have ever had.
Was it worth it? heck yes it was. and that's why I pray that you can also can find the strength and courage to go thru it too.
If going dark is what you are wanting, there are different levels of that. Mindful is doing that right now. and if you feel you can't fake it around him all the time, then maybe going dark can be an option for you. But you must, IMHO, not start ignoring h. You just have to be busy, busy and having fun and being happy working on your life. DBing is not just to save your M, it is to save you, so start with that.
Give yourself a time frame to focus on whatever it is you are wanting to work on, and then when that time comes, look at the sitch then and decide how you think things are going.
what else will you do? kick him out? file for D?
what are your choices if you don't want to DB and fake it? I'm asking hypothetically, and seeing what it is you are looking at doing.
don't worry about whether or not you can forgive him, if you can't forgive him for what he's done now, you can deal with that later. however, forgiving will help with your bitterness, and bitterness is going to bite you if you keep holding on to it.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
