I am not sure why you think detaching means you don't care about your W.
I have next to NO contact with my H, our marriage is over both emotionally and legally, he is with OW for going on 2 years, he put me through hell in court and on and on and on and I still care about him. I probably always will. Aside from my family he was the biggest R in my life for THIRTEEN years. One third of my life.
And yes, from time to time I still hurt. But I also know I am not willing to be my H's e-mail buddy when he needs support while his Gf gets all the fun, romance, sex and the easy parts of the R. Why would I stand for that? Do I not deserve respect? I think I do.
Detaching does NOT mean you don't care or you will never hurt.
