Is it me? Or is it really everyone else? lol.

[K4D]

Honestly,

I don't see any good coming from me telling her my job is gone. Ya, she might find out, and ya, I might have to explain at some point. But as long as I am making my bills and taking care of my end, I am not sure why it is her business right now. Besides that, what woman wants to be with a guy who doesn't have a job? That is why she doesn't need to know right now.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

Let me ask you this: What do you honestly think of my exh (minus the addiction issues)? Do you think I should have stood more for my M? Taken more of his wishy washy ways and OW? Be honest with your answers ok? What is your opinion for my sich...?

[K4D]

Here are my priorities as of right now...
Stay connected with God and please Him
Get a job
Take care of my kids and my responsibilities
GAL
Be patient with W

Kevin

[Super Girl]

But I am putting my faith and trust in God on this one. Kevin

Maybe God gave you his answer and you aren't listening?

[CityGirl]

Just be open to this idea....

It is your business what you choose to tell your W. I agree, if you can meet your financial obligations and meet your co-parenting duties it is not her business unless you choose to tell her.

The issue I have with what you posted is you are FEARFUL to tell her you don't have a job because "no woman wants to be with a guy that does not have a job".

By not telling her you don't have a job out of FEAR of what she will think (or not think) you are attempting to control how she reacts.

If you don't want to tell her than don't. Just be sure you are not telling her for the right reasons. If it is none of her business then great. If it is out of fear over what she will think, well, not so good.

[K4D]

Let me ask you this: What do you honestly think of my exh (minus the addiction issues)? Do you think I should have stood more for my M? Taken more of his wishy washy ways and OW? Be honest with your answers ok? What is your opinion for my sich...?

SO2,

I like you and I am not sure you really want my opinion of your sitch. But if you insist, I will give it.

This is really going to upset some people, but everyone, keep in mind that my opinion was asked for.

I think you should have stood for your first M as long as it took. Separated if necessary and continued to pray for your H and your M.

That is my honest answer. I disagree with what your pastor told you at that time with regard to moving on if he meant to move on and find someone else. Moving forward with your life, yes. Seeking someone else, no. You could have sanctified your H. You still can.

So given my thoughts on that, I don't think there was anything to stand for with regard to your second H.

I am not judging you. I am nobodies judge. Ultimately I refer to the catholic church to deem whether or not a M was/is valid. I am not in a position to make a call on whether the first M was valid or not and so this is just my opinion.

But you did ask what I really thought.

Kevin

[K4D]

The issue I have with what you posted is you are FEARFUL to tell her you don't have a job because "no woman wants to be with a guy that does not have a job".

By not telling her you don't have a job out of FEAR of what she will think (or not think) you are attempting to control how she reacts.

If you don't want to tell her than don't. Just be sure you are not telling her for the right reasons. If it is none of her business then great. If it is out of fear over what she will think, well, not so good.

I admit that there is a lot of fear in this as I believe it would be held against me and another reason to not look back even though I am trying to rectify the sitch and get another job.

Kevin

[Super Girl]

I think you should have stood for your first M as long as it took. Separated if necessary and continued to pray for your H and your M.

So you will still be standing 10 years from now?

[K4D]

If worst came to worst and W D'd me and married another and the catholic church looked at my M and said it was and is valid, that settles the ultimate issue that remarriage is not a second option. If they look at it and say it is not a valid M, and I mean legitimately can say it is not valid and she has D'd me and remarried, at that point I would have to make a decision whether or not I wanted to hope W would ever come back or whether or not I decided I will move on and form another M down the road. But if the church decided that my M was not valid, then W really wasnt my W.

At this point, I choose to consider my M valid and will unless told otherwise by the catholic church down the road that it is not.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

So given my thoughts on that, I don't think there was anything to stand for with regard to your second H.

Ok...so what is the difference in my M to exh and yours? Besides the addiction issues its kind of the same thing. OM/OW...being nice when they need something and blowing you off when they don't. That is my point. From an outsider looking in its easier to see the obvious. I didn't want to give up on my M either but it came time to either sink or swim and he was pulling me down and not thinking twice. I hate to see that happen to you.

As far as my first M...well we were young and stupid and both say that was a mistake D. Nothing I can do about it now.

My pastor didn't say to move on to someone else....just to let go and move on myself as exh has abandoned the M.

I just hate to see you going thru so much pain and agony. I wish your W would come back and be this transformed woman. Statistics are not in that favor though and I want to see you start to rise up.