R2C and Pearl – thanks for the book recommendations. I have finsished reading after the affair which was also recommended to me during my one and only IC session.
H4L – thanks for checking in. I will check out that website.
Flowmom –
Quote:
the more that people know about your H's A, the more that you'd also have to deal with the consequences of his actions. You'd have to deal with everyone's opinion about his choices and your own choice to continue being married to your H.
I get what you are saying and that is exactly why only 2 of my friends know about the A. I think most of our mutual friends are pretty clueless to the problems in our marriage. Even my parents don't know about the A but do know pretty much everything else. But I feel he does get off easy not having to tell anyone.
I find reading posts by everyone provides me with validation that my thoughts and feelings are normal.
So last week was tiring. H was working extra hours and both kids were sick. Ended up taking DD4 to emerg on Sat. Nothing too serious but her fever for 5 days had not broken and the medication from our GP was not working. Switched the med and now she is back to her normal self and off to preschool today. Hurray!
Lots of topics touched on in MC the other day. Sometimes I find the session overwhelming and almost have a hard time remembering everything that is talked about. Especially if I get over emotional, I tend not to take in everything. Little bit of information overload. So we talked about:
- Our different parenting styles and we need to figure out how to “meet in the middle”.
- In one long ramble.... and it was probably too long but once I started I could not stop.... I tried to express how I need H to show more remorse/that he is sorry and reassurance it is not going to happen again. From my viewpoint, I would have thought if he felt ashamed/guilt over the first A that he could have restrained from being involved in second A. Didn't he think of how his actions would affect our family and me. How would he feel if our roles where reversed and I went out of the marriage. And I don't think he realizes how much I think about it all and mentioned some triggers. H said he needed time to absorb what I said and would have to get back to me. Then therapist suggested if H said “xyz” would you feel reassured.... I said that would help but now I just need to hear H to say it.
- Being intimate again in the bedroom....and it was suggested to hold off for now unless I initiate it. It might have even happened already if H had his tests done (H finally goes to the doctor today).
On a more positive note, H feels that we are making more of a connection as there has been more affection and communication. I hear H talking about us spending more time together without kids as well as hearing him saying mom needs her own time too! So trying to line up a sitter for this Sat night. H even suggested we go out for Thai food (he does not like it but I love it). And we have plans for next Sat too.
